Nativity Sets

As a child I delighted in setting out our Christmas Nativity Set. The colors were rich and the characters full of life. I am sure this memory played in developing my limited collection of Nativity Sets. It is a  blessing to set out the handcrafted pieces given to me by friends and the expensive set my husband splurged to purchase one year for me.

Over the years, these characters have been marred by circumstances. A wooden shepherd bears the marks of a dog teething; Mary's hair became tossed about; the baby's bed disappeared; a mouse nibbled at the cloth to get to the rice weighting the animals, a wiseman's raised hand broke off; my standing glass Joseph broke off at the knees.

As I set out these sets this year, initially I was sad about these defects until I contemplated that this probably makes them more "real". The shepherd fought to defend his flock; Mary looks more like the hospital pictures of a new mom, proud and disheveled; the baby found a home in his parent's arms; the animals required stitching; the wiseman's disfigured hand sent him into scholarly work; broken Joseph now kneels before the King of kings.

Funny thing is that when I returned to my parent's home for a rare holiday visit, I helped unpack the Nativity Set looking for the rich, colorful characters I remembered. They were not there! Though I was assured this was the set we have always had what I was looking at was inexpensive, broken, and falling apart. Maybe I viewed them as a child should-- with wonder. But as an adult, maybe I should realize that these marred pieces are probably more realistic than the Hallmark displays--and still view them with wonder.

Off the Marshall Protocol Reflections

The doctor convinced me this protocol was doing too much damage to my body so I have been slowly transitioning off of it. This takes awhile to do and it is not comfortable. Thanksgiving Day will mark the end of all the medicines involved in the protocol and the ones I had to take to get off the protocol. It has been a numbing time physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I am wondering what is round the corner.

3 years ago this illness developed. 2 years ago I started research on this protocol. 18 months later I am leaving the protocol with no clear direction except

GIVE THANKS IN ALL THINGS

So, thank You God for this protocol and the time I was on it. I thank You that You had Your purposes though I had other purposes.  This was an experiment to others but not to You. Thank You, God, for this time of transitioning off the protocol. You had purposes for the nightmares, exhaustion, drain, and numbness. Thanks for knowing what is around the corner. 

 

Viewing God in Trials

So many authors dealing with suffering and difficulties declare that God never seemed nearer and dearer than when a believer goes through trials. I certainly felt guilty whenever I read that because my view has been different. Many times I convinced myself that I must be doing something wrong because that is not my experience--though I would love it to be.

Imagine my comfort and hope when I read these words, penned by a saint:

"Behold, I go forward but He is not there, and backward, but I cannot perceive Him;

When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him;

He turns on the right, I cannot see Him.

But He is unique and who can turn to Him?

And what His soul desires, that He does. For He performs what is appointed for me,

And many such decrees are with Him.

Therefore I would be dismayed at His presence; When I consider, I am terrified of Him.

It is God who has made my heart faint, and the Almighty who has dismayed me, 

but I am not silenced by the darkness, Nor deep gloom which covers me."

Job 23:8-9, 13-17

My soul sang with comfort: Someone wrote what was at the center of my weary heart in words I could not have expressed. In all that the Lord has brought into our lives over the past 3 years, I know that He has deepened my understanding that He is MYSTERIOUS. And if He is not choosing to provide that sense of His nearness and dearness, He has His purposes, and I can rest.

I pray these thoughts will  comfort others who get a different view of God than they expected.

Can I think?

I am contemplating the Little Engine That Could . . . "I think I can . . .I think I can . . .I think I can . . ." but it all seems to fall apart when you struggle to think. Today that struggle comes from my body which is complaining about something but I have no idea what I did or didn't do to it. But like those squeaky wheels, giggly girls, or crying babies, it has most of my attention.

I really do have some blogs I want to write. Now to gather the time coordinated with the energy and mental capacity would put those blogs to paper (or cyberspace).

In the meantime, God is reminding me that I have to depend on HIM to think.

Today God sent some encouraging "angels"

As you know, discouragement with the lack of progress on this medical protocol has been increasing for me. Mostly I am too tired and brain fog engulfs me then the doctor informs me that a change needs to be made. How am supposed to process that?

God saw my need for encouragement and sent three "angels" to minister to me while I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room. This was a husband, wife and their grown daughter who are all following the same protocol and have had to make the adjustments. They introduced themselves (they recognized me from a posting I made on our protocol's website) and then inquired about how I was doing. They were so warm and caring. They shared their stories and how the protocol has benefited them. For the first time in quite awhile, I felt I could stay the course.

I was reminded of God's command to comfort others as how God has comforted us. These "angels" were living this out by sharing their lives and asking about mine. Thanks, Lord, for bringing them my way today.

My Secret Life

In our first year in Louisville, I determined to do as much with my children as possible. This led to three of us (Josiah, Jonathan, and I) signing up for Martial Arts classes. These classes of mixed martial arts served our sons' physical education. They provided me time with the kids and they forced me to use more of my brains as I learned the different forms.

So, here we are, three years later, still taking these classes. Who would have thought that a woman my age is doing this? My objective is still to flee if anyone challenges me on the street but I will use these skills as a back-up if needed. In the meantime, I continue to build my relationship with others and Jonathan and my brain cells through this foggy season of Chronic Fatigue.

Jonathan and I passed our latest rank test earlier this summer. I have included this image in case you need further proof. If you are interested, after this belt comes Green, Brown, and then Black Belt ranks. I guess this isn't a bad secret life just something I choose not to display. Maybe that is a good thing in case someone thinks I am a pushover?

Two Storms while Driving is Two Many Times

A tornado swept through Louisville last June. Trevor and I were caught in its path as we tried to get home. We saw roofs swept off and power line poles snap as if they were dry stems of straw. We scrambled to find a safe place but businesses closed their doors and we waited in a parking lot til the tornado's path change to allow us a safe drive back home.

Today, we left a playground park when we first heard the thunder. Our son, Peter, his wife, Grace and our granddaughters, Anna and Abigail (daughter of Kirsten and Tim) traveled with us looking forward to a hot meal. Within ten minutes, the wind buffeted our van as rain poured down in curtains. The line of cars slowed as visibility reduced and branches and trees littered the street. Discovering a smashed signal light between us and home, we turned down an alternative street. Within moments, visibility reduced to zero and the trees threatened to topple. We cautiously pulled into the zoo parking lot finding a spot away from trees waiting for the storm to pass. Thanking our Lord for His protection we comforted our grandkids and prayed for protection on Jonathan who was at home. When we waddled home, everything was fine at our house but the electrical lines took the brunt of the storm so we" pioneered" through dinner, baths, and bed preparations with waning daylight and candles.

One time in each storm, I called 911 to alert the emergency responders of downed power lines. These are haunting calls to make. We are so grateful for the emergency personnel's selfless work but I do not care to call them one more time.

Being in a vehicle during each of these storms have exposed my vulnerability, helplessness, and complete dependence on God's mercy.

MP: Hard Time

Through God's grace, I went off the antibiotics in preparation for what was going to be a long emotional day. God sustained me with strength and a positive attitude. Thanks to all those who prayed. However, since we were traveling, I realized I had also been indulging in coffee and thought this might be affecting my body. After reviewing the information on the Martial Protocol site I understood better how coffee may be masking my symptoms and actually interfering with my immune system. So, I stayed off the antibiotics and decided to see how it would go if I went off the coffee as well.


The last two weeks have been the worst I remember for a long time. I am struggling to get up in the morning. I feel weak and often feel like I am going to pass out. Bright lights are a problem with increasing frequency. I am moving through molasses mentally and physically. I was already wondering if  I needed to quit but I did not know what I would quit.

Last night was the worst. Terrible nightmares plagued my sleep, first when I cried out and then to the point where I did not want to sleep anymore but I forced myself to sleep some more. The nightmare crept back into my sleep and troubled my mind through the day. Going back to sleep was an act of faith--much like getting back on a horse that bucked me off (which I really have done).

Now the challenge is not to make a decision while I feel like this. I must pursue the present path in faith for now.It is a time of transition and I pray for a transformation.

Tis the Season for School Planning

Recently I spoke briefly to some homeschool moms who are feeling the pressure of their summer break ending but not feeling prepared for the start of schooldays. I certainly understand their plight. Normally, by March, I have a good idea of what we are doing for the next school year and start searching for materials. But, like many others, this past year has not been normal.

Most of us require some quiet hours to coincide with brain cell energy to adequately plan for school. This is an elusive collision of events for homeschool moms—whether that is because of an overloaded schedule or quiversful or chronic illness or any combination of the above.

We tentatively assign a random date to resume school with the hopes that a “deadline” will prompt a quicker aligning of the random lesson plan atoms. Of course, the deadline seems to slide as we face reality or unexpected guests.

Maybe one of these methods will help:

Find time alone: Exchange with another mom to watch children; Enlist your husband; Find a grandmother whose grandkids live far away.

Get out of the house: There are too many distractions and too many things that are easier than planning school! I think you need at least two hours once you reach your off-site destination because your brain cells need time to focus.

Start a list: Someplace prominent place start to write down your ideas as you walk along the way. If possible take a few moments and make a book marker of these ideas and place in your favorite novel or the Bible.

Pray: Off your prominent list or the bookmark, pray about these decisions. When I do this steadfastly (and I am NOT always steadfast) God directs my thoughts, corrects my direction, crosses items off my list, shows me a resource I already have and boosts my confidence.

Start the year with a few items: Accepting that I will start only a few subjects the first two weeks allows us all to adjust to the school year and gives me more time to plan for the reminder. Ah, realism sets in better with this approach because it keeps my eyes from being bigger than hours in our day.  If we honestly look at most “traditional” schools this adjustment period happens because kids need to learn the new rules, set up their desks, and find the bathroom. We also need the adjustment time because of a new baby, adding another student, and remodeling the kitchen.

Select a special project for the first two to three weeks: Scrapbook summer events, read those books you  thought you would read on vacation, evaluate what was lost over the summer, make a resource book for facts you want to remember,  use educational games for review or incorporate field trips you might consider disruptive to your regular schedule. This can also give you time to polish up preparation for other studies.

This past summer has been very intense for our family. Besides major family events I have been sick and the completion of last year took longer than I expected. I am very behind on preparation for next year. I am glad that I spoke with these other moms because it is a gentle nudge I need to tackle this task—with joy, of course.

Refreshment from Believers

My dear friends and sisters-in Christ located in Santa Clarita, California--You have refreshed me. We laughed, shared, challenged and loved each other. What a blessing. We sang, worshiped, discussed our Lord's character. We ate food and then feasted on His Word. Oh, how I wish I had more time; I could have spent visited longer and with more people-- but I will be content and grateful that God has blessed me with you.

To Pastor Steve--Your commitment to teaching God's Word and applying it to our walk and hearts poured refreshing water upon our souls. Our weariness was lifted by the Truth in song and teaching.

I do not know when God will bring me back to Santa Clarita in person but I rejoice that we will be reunited in heaven and just imagine the refreshing conversations that await us there!

Stand firm, my siblings in Christ, under the generous waterfall of God's grace and mercy.

Rejoicing as God deals with what handicaps me

This quote quickened my heart. Praying and confessing so I can have this attitude.

"If God had told me some time ago that he was about to make as happy as I could be in this world, and then had told me that he should begin by crippling me in arm or limb, and removing me from all my usual sources of enjoyment, I should have thought it a very strange mode of accomplishing his purpose. And yet, how is his wisdom manifest even in this! For if you should see a man shut up in a closed room, idolizing a set of lamps and rejoicing in their light, and you wished to make him truly happy, you would begin by blowing out all his lamps; and then throw open the shutters to let in the light of heaven." ---Samuel Rutherford quoted in 90 Days of God's Goodness by Randy Alcorn

God Allows Me to Fast Again

Never thought I would miss fasting so much. Fasting was a regular spiritual discipline in my life for most of my adult life.  Fasting is not easy but it kept my eyes on God and I have seen God use it to help direct my thoughts and life. 

After almost three years of being chronically ill, God nudged me to bring this discipline back into my life. I was fearful because the last thing I wanted to do was feel worse but I knew that I needed to follow His direction. Though there were so many things stacking up for concerted prayer that I needed to set aside a day each week, I told myself I would start with one day and see how it went before committing myself to a routine.

Praise Him that the day went great.

So a need led to a transition back into a pattern. Thanks be to the Lord who has granted the return of this discipline when it was so needed.

Retracing a Blessing

The Lord of the universe, Who measures days as years and years as days, orchestrated a blessing just for me. I retrace the path of that blessing for you (and as a note for remembrance for me):

1. I receive media mail from my all-time favorite author, Randy Alcorn. A personal message is inscribed on the inside of 90 Days of God's Goodness Daily Reflections That Shine Light on Personal Darkness.
2. Puzzling over this package, I do not remember ordering anything but remember being interested in purchasing this book. The book sits for a few days on my desk as I ponder.
3. I write a thank you note to Randy Alcorn and his staff because I decided they were prompted to send me this book and God knew I needed the small chunks of wisdom in my brain foggy days. Besides, I know the track record of this organization showing God's generosity because they replaced my sister's entire Randy Alcorn library after a fire destroyed her home.
4. The book sits on my desk two more days. God reminds me of an upcoming time-frame of about 90 days that is particularly taxing spiritually. God has placed before me a way for my mind to stay upon Him in the form of this book. The book is no longer sitting on my desk.
5. Within a few days, my eyes and heart are captured by a little phrase that I share on Facebook. 
6. A friend, also familiar with the depth and quality of Randy Alcorn's writing, inquires if I recently received that book and if there was an inscription.
7. My conclusion: Oh, it was sent out to some of Randy Alcorn's fans. My friend must of received one as well.
8. In fact, my friend, knowing I was going through a challenging time, ordered this book for me from Randy Alcorn's office asking Mr. Alcorn to sign it. 
9. However, Mr. Alcorn was out of the office for a month so it waited for his return so he could write his message inside and then the book was sent to me.

God prompted my friend, held the book in an office, let it wander through media mail, let me be content to have it sit on my desk, and prompted me to see the correlation of 90 days with an event that was in motion before I received the book. I am overwhelmed by the complexity of our God Who can perfectly put together such events to delight us and draw us closer to Him. Praise Him!

Easter Experience

God provided a unique Easter Experience for me. I wrenched my foot Saturday morning which led to an aching, painful foot by Saturday afternoon. This lead to some serious thoughts and reflections regarding the pain Jesus voluntarily submitted Himself to for my benefit and to bring Glory to God. My pain is so teeny-tiny compared to His but He uses it yet to grow my love for Him:

• Empathy for my dear friend Debby who struggles with frequent foot mishaps.
• Pain is very exhausting and clouds one's mind.
• Wrapping my foot made me reflect on the grave clothes of Jesus.
• Pain relievers were welcome; Jesus opted to not take any.
• Endurance was tested by plunging my foot in icy waters.
• Separation from others as I could not go out to church or family activities.
• Helplessness as what I used to do was now limited by my pain.
• Joy when the pain subsided and hope returned.

 Thank You, Jesus for enduring the cross and the grave.

On practical matters with foot pain:

• Follow the example of my husband  who empathized with and served me. What a blessing!
• Most work surfaces are designed for standing.
• Crawling across carpeted floors is doable but hardwood floors are not good for knees.
• An office chair on wheels is a great help (on hard floors).
• Children do not understand to be careful around hurting feet.
• Accommodate the situation. This time we changed up some celebration plans and things that demanded my attention. My parents did likewise when I was in a leg cast, at six years old. My parents placed me on a scooter board and moved the Easter Egg Hunt inside so that I could easily participate.
• Be ready to laugh at the jokes and word plays: Over breakfast the family discussed that this was an old injury that started when a woolly mammoth stepped on my foot. A church elder asked if I was "taking this injury in good stride".

Marshall Protocol: Stones of Remembrance

When I began the Marshall Protocol, I thought I would be celebrating the completion of each year but this first anniversary found me in a deep brain fog with very little energy. In fact, as it dawned on me, I had to carefully reconstruct why I am continuing on this lifestyle-changing protocol (without a specific ending point except when my body is healthy again).

So, I am setting these stones of remembrance before my eyes that I may contemplate where I was going before I started on the Marshall Protocol. My body was spiraling downwards and though I did not experience everything at one time, more of my systems were becoming involved and the symptoms indicated my body was facing increasing danger.

• Emergency room visit for irregular heart beat
• Ongoing chest pain, shortness of breath and pain in arm
• Complete cardiac workup with no indication of heart problems
• Inability to sleep; had to keep moving
• Inability to get out of bed in the morning
• Constant naps without feeling more energy
• Eyes showed defective portion at retina
• Going to bed earlier and earlier/getting up later and later
• Pain at joints and soles of feet
• Thyroid stopped functioning
• Depleted Adrenal Glands 
• Breast Lumps 
• Pancreas decreased function
• Urinary tract infections
• Unable to think clearly resulting in costly errors
• Numbness in extremities
• Exploding headaches
• Yeast infection
• Pelvic and cervical pain
• Developed early symptoms of uterine cancer (nothing there)
• Shakiness; chills; dizziness; lightheadedness
• Inability to sing due to shortness of breath
• Difficulty in talking loud enough to be heard
• Difficulty in carrying on a conversation due to limited air
• Brain Fog and lack of focus
• Increased painful sensitivity to noise and light
• Digestive issues that were painful
• Tics
• Doctors wanting to place me on anti-depressants
• Doctors saying I was blocking healing because my spiritual views were too narrow
• Friends (who were further down the road of traditional medical approaches) taking more medicines and becoming sicker.

After 18 months of the start of this symptom/medical journey a friend directed to the Marshall Protocol which takes a completely different approach to dealing with chronic illness than traditional or alternative medicines. I am grateful that the spiral has stopped. Though I still am sick, less of my body's systems are involved at any one time and never as severely. I am healing rather than just suppressing the symptoms. At times I even feel almost normal. Trevor has said that he feels he is getting his wife back.

I thank God for opening this door for us. It has not been easy and I really wanted to be further along in the program than I am but I have hope. Placing these stones of remembrance are part of reminding myself of the Red Sea (or maybe Egypt) that God has allowed me to leave by His grace and mercy. His strength is what is allowing me to walk through this wilderness of wearing dark glasses, restricting sunlight exposure, being cautious about food intake and encountering the onset of an immune response. When I look at these stones, I remember why I am on this journey. I do not want to return to Egypt.

Slow Cooker Sanity

 The elusive search for sanity takes us some unusual places. Whether you are dealing with young children, busy homeschooling, in a transitional period, or fighting a chronic illness, sanity may be found in a journey with your slow cooker.

An acquaintance nudged me in the direction of this website and I am sharing with you a recent success for our family. I enjoy Stephanie's down-to-earth approach and honest appraisals. If she says this is better to marinate the meat--do so. Her focus in on having more time as a family, hurray!

Due to my food restrictions, I have to prepare 90% of our own food. Days always go better if dinner is already on its way to completion before noon and even better if I had the energy and foresight to start the night before. So, here is one more tool for your sanity!

By the way, we like the fire aspect so we added Mongolian Fire Oil to our Orange Chicken.


http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2009/09/slow-cooker-orange-chicken-recipe.html

Mountains made out of Hills

I thought people understood the difference between a hill and a mountain. I was wrong.

Like other things, it is a matter of perspective. Those people who live in relatively flat areas and have not traveled much outside of those areas, see any small rise in the ground as a hill and any slightly higher rise as a mountain.

But if you grew up in the shadow of the Rockies or the Cascade Mountain Ranges, only those rises of dramatic, steep, and majestic proportion deserve the title of mountain.

I really do not care what the technical definition of a mountain is; I still think it a mountain is relative to what you are used to. We have yet to see a mountain, by our definition, in this part of the country. We have seen entire ski slopes bragged about in this area that would barely qualify as a bunny slope on our mountains.And yes, we have been to the Smoky "Mountains".

I miss mountains.

As I yearn to see my Cascades or Rockies I am thinking that our earth in some ways is a fortaste of HEAVEN. Somehow, I think the mountains I now love will be dwarfed by the mountains in the new heaven and earth. It is a matter of perspective.

Yep, coffee cups strike again

i have enjoyed some movies set in the 1940s or 1950s. Yes, it is a unique person who notes this but I saw their coffee cups. Notice, I said "cups" not mugs. These are petite (that means little and delicate) cups. Now why would I even notice except the mugs hanging under my cupboards and my pure enjoyment of ordering a latte (extra foamy) and having it served in a mug NOT a paper cup.

Being a homeschooler such an observation of course leads to experimentation. So I measured. Courtesy of my mother's housecleaning skills I have an old set of coffee cups. I filled it with tap water, so as not to waste any coffee and then measured the water: 6 ounces. That is NOT a typo. It held comfortably 6 ounces of liquid.

Now I drew out my medium-sized mug and discovered it held 12 ounces of water, twice as much as the olden days cup. Hmmmm.

My largest mug, courtesy of the USA Army, holds 16 ounces. By the way, in case you are wondering this is not just because mugs are typically made from ceramic and cups from china. At a recent bridal shower, a beautiful china coffee mug rivaled the size of my Army mug. She was not willing to swap with me.

Now it is easy for me to rationalize and say that I have no idea how many times those people in the '40s and '50s refilled their cups but I also am not going to divulge how often I refill my mug.

But it did cause me to ponder that if my view of a container of liquid is that much more in volume than previous generations, then my word picture of God filling my cup to overflowing should be that much more in abundance than those that have gone before me. Is it? Or am I increasing the capacity my heart for the things of this world? God takes my observations to an experimentation but He keeps bringing me back to the heart of the matter.

Especially for mothers

I love young moms. I truly do. There is a uniqueness to this time of mothering that is unlike any other. I have been honored to know many young moms who have taken seriously their biblical mandates to discipline their children toward godliness. The discipline is non-stop for these formative years. That discipline may encompass negative consequences but it can also be the right training of a child. This is definitely a period of transition and transformation. I considered to start another blog with that in mind but somehow that will not be keeping with my desire to simplify therefore--I will try to rotate some postings specifically for this unique and wonderful time period.

Recently I returned from an errand. Errands are something my children beg to be excluded from. Though that is not always possible, this time I did not take them but the MOMENT I walked in the door, questions assaulted me. I was overwhelmed and practically demanded ten minutes to adjust to homelife from the outside world.

In the ensuing moments of relative peace I pondered the demands I place on others in similar situations. Do I allow them to transition or do I demand them to enter into the next activity on my schedule just because I am ready? I know this is a fine line because we want immediate obedience but sometimes I think it would be better to teach timely obedience and to teach when it is appropriate to transition slowly to the next task. This, too, is a learned skill--maybe as much for mom to allow a transitional period as the child to learn to transition to the next activity in a timely manner.

Of course, I thought back to the times I have "hit" my husband with an issue the moment he walks through the door. Oops! No transition for him but he is mature, can handle it and I have been with the kids all day. Okay, so now you know the reasons I give to myself.

I am learning transitions are a refreshing kindness we can extend to others.

Teeth Transitions

A new appreciation for all those infants, toddlers, six-year-olds and hockey players through painful reminders of the difficulties associated with teeth transitions.

18 months ago I made a careless decision on how to open a water bottle and two front teeth succumbed. I rushed to the dentist who put a "bandage" on them adhering them to the other teeth. It is good to have friends support you during transitions. My healthy teeth held up pretty well but it was becoming obvious that the broken teeth would need to be removed and replaced.

So, I am in the process of healing from the removal of those teeth and, once healed, either a bridge or implants will be put in. I am in pain and my diet has changed to accommodate the tenderness. In about four weeks, just about when the pain is gone, the rest of the work will commence. More pain.

Lessons learned: Be wary of actions made when you are in a rush and over-tired. Be sympathetic to all dental pain. God's original material is always better than anything man can construct. Pain makes it hard to think. Dental pain makes it hard to think and talk. Reminder that Jesus did not sin even when He was in pain.

O Father You have brought Your Word to us today

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9dpmp_-TY0&feature=player_embeddedI handled my Bible more reverently today after watching this video. Transitions and Transformations through the Truth.

sometimes it is the little things

Sometimes it is the little things we need to let go of to create margins in our lives so that we can live effectively for the greater things.

As much as I like regular dinnerware and dislike paperware, there are times we have to use paperware to just ease the tension of the other life stresses. My husband calls this "copingware" and when you compare it to physical energy, regaining health, or enjoying the gifts (a.k.a. children) God has given you what you use for eating-ware is really a very little thing.

Last summer, I ceased our composting pile. Since we eat a LOT of produce and now have a huge yard, I thought composting made a lot of sense. However, it was one more step in the process of food preparation (already a lengthy process) and added many other steps in cleaning and care for the compost. So, we no longer compost. Of course, if we were avid gardeners, this might not be a little thing but compared to the care required, it was a little thing for us. This was harder than the paper-ware decision because it was all or nothing and I wanted to be supportive of our environment. But our environment includes those people around us and if this one step could ease the load when vocation demands are large, then it is better to consider the people than the decaying little things.

My more recent little thing I gave up was the use of coupons for regular grocery shopping. Now, these little things saved lots of money for the Wallis family when we lived in California. The grocery competition is not as aggressive in Kentucky so the coupons do not have the same impact on the budget but they still help. So, though coupons are little, they can be very beneficial. However, I found they were draining for me emotionally and added additional stress to my shopping adventures. In the long run, they are not worth it especially if my health nosedives because of the stress of clipping coupons. Now that sounds silly, but it is true!

Little things can end up making big impacts, one way or another. It has helped me to look for little things that can improve our lives or little things that are being destructive in the BIGGER things of life. For me, it was Coping-ware, Composting, and Couponing that required a second consideration--what might be something for you?

Transitions and Grandkids

Due to some transitions in the life of my daughter and her family, Grammie (that is me) gets to help for about 12 hours a week by watching our two grand-kids. It has been awhile since a two-year-old and a five-year-old have been under for care for extended periods of time. Though I am looking forward to it, I am also painfully aware that I am rather rusty. Time to apply all those things I have told many younger women in the past! I figure God is giving me a refresher course. He does do that, doesn't He? I am thinking I will be better prepared and more helpful when the next young mom talks with me about the challenges of finding a moment alone and the absolute joy of seeing children gain understanding. I will also help some with homeschooling so I can brush up on the now easier looking topics like counting and reading. Those topics seemed daunting but no longer after facing the mountains of Economics and Ancient Japanese History.

Stay tuned for updates on this new opportunity God is using to refine me.

Making Memories with a Mystery Date

My husband did something really special. He made a memory right here in Louisville. Though the event sadly had to come to an end, the memory will linger with a delicious aroma and a part of downtown will remain a special reminder of love.

As you know, if you have read many of our adventures for the past two-plus years, most of our memories in Kentucky have been of a significant, challenging sort: Major storms, remodeling disasters, plumbing outbursts, friends leaving, church hunting, health crises, injuries, car accident (singular!), family leaving to live on their own, family moving far away, parents dying, etc . . .Because of this, we have regularly escaped Louisville for some special times together. It helped to get away. However, it seemed the only time we enjoyed was away.

 Early January, Trevor requested both his and my birthday funds for a mystery celebration. Mystery dates are something we do every few months when one of us plans a date and the other knows nothing of what might happen on that date. It is an idea we implemented and highly recommend after reading "Romancing the Moon." http://romancingthemoon.com/ BUT requesting all of our birthday funds was most unusual.

Last Friday morning I was instructed to pack an overnight bag with nice but comfortable clothing and to pick up Trevor from work about 4pm. At that point, he took over the driving. He nicely decided to no longer keep me in suspense but drove directly to our destination. As we drove up, I could not believe it and thought he was joking. We were at the entrance of one of the most expensive hotels in Louisville located next to the Ohio River. Knowing how much our birthday fund was,  I inquired how he managed to squeeze blood from turnips, he said they offered a special called "Romance on the River". Beautiful interior woodwork and very gracious guest representatives greeted us. Our spacious room overlooked the river and we enjoyed a spectacular sunset and the city lights.  Trevor added a dozen variegated orange/yellow roses to the window display.  We dined on the 25th floor overlooking the river and more city lights again with delicious gourmet food and pleasant atmosphere. No plans, no hurry, just time to relax and enjoy each other. The next day we enjoyed an ample breakfast buffet, a brisk walk through the winter chill and a leisurely check out time of 1pm.

Though I could have stayed another night or two or three :) I am so grateful for the little delights my husband planned and the time we just enjoyed together. Two of the very precious gifts he gave me was to arrange for someone else to be on call at work that weekend AND he handed his iphone into my care so it would not distract him. He focused on me and knew what would please me and now Louisville has a special memory that I will cherish.

I am ready to make some more memories!

Explaining Myself

This excellent article describes the life of people with chronic illness. Though not identical to my symptoms, it gives you a good word picture of the struggle of my life and maybe other family or friends.

The one change I would make is that I know 

Who gave me the spoons for that day and 

I can trust that He knows the perfect number for me for this day. 

The Spoon Theory 

by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com 

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know? 

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick. 

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try. 

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands. 

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted. 

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control. 

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become? 

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus. 

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon.

I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this. 

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me. 

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night. 

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all. 

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.” 

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”. 

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.” 

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”. 

© Christine Miserandino

In God's Economy

Faithful, God-honoring leadership showcases God's economy at our family's favorite organization Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. We miss their volunteer days where toddlers to the elderly sorted, labeled, and packed food and other items to needy situations all to help the local church reach people with the gospel of Christ. Children's Hunger Fund has an amazing, efficient usage of the donated money--something like 99.9% goes directly to the those they are serving.

While sorting and repackaging new furniture for an orphanage, I mused that God has a sense of humor. The prices were listed  on this donated furniture from a major department store. The furniture was overpriced for its quality. In fact, so many pieces had broken that we were using two or three sets of bunk beds to make a functional set. So, the overpricing of the furniture actually created a situation where the orphans who had NO furniture would receive some brand new furniture. In God's economy nothing is wasted.

Another incident of profiteering gone awry was the shipment of sandals confiscated at customs. The sandals were look-alikes of a major brand. A semi-truck brought the perfectly good sandals to Children's Hunger Fund to be marked (so they could not be resold) and sent to a country where bare feet are an invitation to parasites. In God's economy His purposes will be fulfilled.

This thought of "in God's economy nothing is wasted and His purposes will be fulfilled" have brought me great comfort when facing my wasting body, my inadequacies of homeschooling, the bumbling mistakes I make, our house repairs that demand attention, or the great costs of anything. God wastes none of it. His purposes will be fulfilled. I may not see it now and may have to wait til I am in heaven--but one day I will see that

"In the perfect economy of God,there is no waste . . .

that in eternity, God's glorious fulfillment, 

His end, will more than justify His strange and difficult means . . .

if given back to Him in love and trust, 

will be made to show forth the praise of the glory of His grace."

--Margaret Clarkson in Grace Grows Best in Winter

The Object of My Trust

Any transition requires TRUST. The question is what or who are we trusting in? Our lesson at church today was from Isaiah 30. The children of Israel are running to Egypt (a place of slavery and bondage); Pharaoh (a harsh taskmaster and dictator); camels laden with treasures (stuff); pleasing words (listening to that we like but is not necessarily true); idols (whatever/whoever we depend on); swift horses (to run away)  

When I move towards a solution, it is because I recognize there is a problem. It is good to recognize there is a problem. It was good the Israelites knew something was wrong. In transitions and the process of being transformed, there are problems and you know you got to do something!

As I reflect on my life I see how I have used many of the things the Israelites also used for solutions. Maybe you can relate? I have run to food, self-control, controlling others, new homeschool curriculum, rearranging the furniture, escaping present circumstances, writing a new schedule, good works, busy in activities, memorizing scripture, evaluating food choices, pondering if I did or did not follow a medical protocol, health, money . . . Many of these things are good-- God gave them to me. However, none can truly bring what my problem requires.

"In repentance and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15

The TRUST that brings peace in my heart and life  is resting in what God has done and what He continues to do to bring me to His place of salvation--ultimately to His Heavenly Home where all is as it should be. I can have peace in my present circumstances because of the Object of my trust is Christ. He alone will provide all that I need if I but run to Him. So, the placement of my TRUST is seen in where I am running.

Marshall Protocol Update and REST

Update on Marshall Protocol: January has been a roller coaster. First I became so exceedingly dizzy that I was concerned about passing out on several occasions and often had to stabilize myself against something. The doctor took me off of one of the antibiotics and I was told to increase my rest (ARGH!) but it makes sense if my body is fighting something, I may get dizzy and resting allows my innate, God-given immune system to function more effectively. I have to keep reminding myself about the hidden bacteria that causes these symptoms. I am also thankful that God brought these changes to our attention prior to our vacation! Sure enough, as I rested and the antibiotic filtered out of my body (thus, less intense bacterial die-off), the dizziness became manageable.

I cheated on the Marshall Protocol lifestyle at times on our vacation because making memories was more important for the family.

Another week in January, I became very nauseated. This definitely ebbed and flowed with the Benicar dosing so I just tolerated it. It is just so fascinating how certain symptoms are highlighted for a period of time and then they are gone.

Finally, I had an exhaustion week that was very hard. We have labeled these SLUG times. I started investigating all the things I might have done or not done that could have placed me there.  It is so easy to think it is my fault and I am in control. This too causes stress--another thing to avoid! I suspect the best avenue, if you are being prudent on the protocol is to REST in that you are trying and REST in God's healing and His ways.

I shared this acronym with a friend: REST--Reflecting on Every Strength and Triumph. Ultimately it is all His Victory and He has already Overcome!

Limitations

I have written about the margins God places in our lives and that we need to heed those. I decided that I like blogging (and other types of writing) and will have to accept that, here too, I face limitations in time, energy, and mental clarity. Chronic illness, little ones in the home, increased work stress, starting homeschooling, creative budgeting, and household repairs all remind us of our limitations.

So, rather than ignore my blog, I am purposing to write shorter entries. My literary son, Peter, assures me that many of the greatest writing is short and pithy. Well, I am not sure I will get to the pithy part if I write only a few paragraphs but I may be able to share more in the long run and make it feasible for others to read without it just being a few rambling thoughts.

Recognizing limitations can be a freeing experience.