Marshall Protocol: Zombies Take Over

After my last posting, it is only appropriate that I am enjoying an breve in my favorite coffee shop in Louisville, Day’s Espresso. Maybe I should be exploring a new-to-me-shop, but I am not up to the unexpected today.

My sons have introduced Zombies to me and they have a Survival Guide to Zombies which is a good investment because Zombie is what I feel like with my chronic fatigue and brain fog. In fact, I have decided that the poor soul who created Zombies had some sort of chronic illness and that is how he could write so descriptively about Zombies (of course, a male developed this creature, right?).

Chronic illness definitely makes one feel that an alien has taken over her body! And an unpredictable alien it is. I used to be fairly confident that I would awake ready and motivated to tackle the day’s activities with an engaged heart and mind. Now, even if a spark of that comes, I never know how long it will last.

Lesson 1: Savor the moment of clarity and energy for you never know what tomorrow (or the next moment will bring). Thank You, Lord, for this moment when I can be productive and think to praise You!

Lesson 2: Do not try to make up for everything you have not done in that sparkly moment because you will probably pay for it and relapse to Zombie state sooner. Thank You, Lord, for answering my prayer for wisdom in what I should and should not do.

Lesson 3: Before the Zombie state returns, write up a Survival Guide for you and your family. This time, too, comes from the Father’s hand. Be at peace for He surrounds you with His love, comfort, and hope—even when you cannot see anything in front of you. Oh how my heart fights against this time unless I trust in HIM! Sometimes all I can say is, “I will TRUST YOU! I will TRUST YOU!”

Milkshakes and Coffee

Besides being extra yummy, what do these have in common? My son and I are looking for our favorite place to obtain these delicious treats: coffee for me; milkshake for him. When we first moved here, due to the generous gift of some Meaningful Moms in California, I was armed with a Starbucks card that allowed me to escape to the familiar. I discovered how comforting it is to have something familiar when you are in transition--once upon it was a baby blanket (with a silky part), now it is a coffee shop. However, Louisiville boasts many independent coffee shops and now Starbucks is fading from the selection list. In fact, the search for a favorite coffee place was one of the things I started to do to enjoy this city more. I would go sit and read or just ponder while enjoying a latte. Not only does the atmosphere need to accommodate thinking, the lighting needs to be enjoyable, and the lattes (served in a mug, not a paper cup) worth returning to enjoy. It is an extra benefit if I can share the time with a friend. My son's criteria is different: The milkshake needs to be made with ice cream (novel concept, I know, but this is opposed to chemicals we cannot pronounce). It has to taste like a milkshake and cannot be too small. It must be smooth and creamy. Chocolate is his comparative flavor. The offer of whipped cream is a bonus. We are encountering more difficulty in locating real milkshakes than real coffee. I have discovered a favorite coffee shop long before I even tried all the options. Oops! Now what do I do? I will need to brave into other shops and consider it an adventure but all will be compared to Day's Espresso which consistently hits the mark. However, there may be someplace lurking out there that will delight my palate and senses. Yes, searching for a coffee place has helped me appreciate this city. I found myself looking for a little local flavor in Southern California but Starbucks and Paneras has taken over the state. Both are good and I have good memories of enjoying friendships in these chains but I was missing Day's or Quill's. So, how about you come enjoy some coffee with me at a new-to-me little, local coffee shop because nothing can take the place of my special friends and family from afar! And if coffee isn't your thing, we can find a milkshake. The Lesson: Learn to find something special and different about the place God has placed me.

Warning about Togetherness

Recently I was reflecting on our son's departure to the Army. I realized that I am experiencing what many people experience when they send their children to day care or kindergarten. I am missing our togetherness. This is something you have to be willing to face at some time in a child's life. Most people do it earlier, like when the kids are 6 0r 7. Because we have homeschooled through high school and have focused togetherness and the home as the center of the spinning wheel, I have years of full day (and sometimes, night) interaction with our children before they leave home as young adults. So, I am just posting this as a warning to those "together families", and because I have encouraged that togetherness, you have to be willing to face the transition of them leaving to pursue what God is calling them to pursue and know that their absence will impact your heart and life.

Marshall Protocol: VERY hard day

Two almost normal days (though I am not sure I remember what normal feels like). Sigh. I was feeling hopeful that I had tackled this dosage level of minocycline and could enjoy a few days reprieve before starting the next phase. Then Sunday hit. I actually had hints Saturday evening that some more bacteria were being targeted as I experienced some chest pain and shortness of breath, however these were mild. Sunday morning it required all my energy to say a word. I ended up writing a note to my husband to let him know that I felt awful and tried to describe it. I was in a tunnel. Any talking required effort to even form the words. I could plod through daily activities but interactive activities were extremely taxing--and the day was full of just such activities. But I went to church, said little, and sang and clung to God. Or rather, He clung to me. We had a meeting in the afternoon: I listened and managed to let people know my name. We took some Nepalese refugees to the airport and some others to evening service. Finally, the tunnel darkness lifted and I could interact with others. Prior to evening service, my husband asked if I needed to stay home. This is something that is a challenge for me (and I think others who have followed the MP) is that you do not know if an activity will help get you through or if you are taxing yourself by doing that very activity--honestly, I do not think staying home to rest would have helped so I went to evening service. Our doctor stresses the importance of continue daily living while on the protocol. I need to keep seeking God's wisdom for the daily decisions of balancing light exposure, work/rest, interaction/quiet, etc. . . so that my body can heal but I am doing just what He calls me to do.

The Road Most Traveled

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference" from "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost In Louisville, Kentucky, it is not the road less traveled that made a difference but the ones that have been traveled the most. For example, there is Lexington Road which can take you all the way to Lexington, and Bardstown Road which meanders till it reaches Bardstown. Of course, Shelbyville Road stretches across the state till it encounters Shelbyville. I bet you are catching on with these road names, aren't you? What is rather intriguing, I am told by the true Louisvillians, is that once you reach any of these cities, the very road you are on becomes "The Louisville Road". (Pronounce that L'Ville, please). I find this rather quaint and a bit odd since we moved from Southern California where the transportation department makes the decision where to put the road and what to call it. A few remnants of Californian heritage lingers on the road signs but not much. Here, the heritage had its start long before railroads and automobiles paved the roads. All of these roads started off as being less traveled and developed their well-worn paths through countless travelers just going from one farm to the next. In fact, many of the changing directions of the road were to go around this farm or that barn or some natural landmark and ended up creating an interesting pattern and much confusion to transplants especially when each road also had its companion "Way", "Avenue", or "Court". It required an investment into a Tom-Tom for my sanity and to save on gasoline expenses (the city Lexington is over an hour's drive from Lexington Road in Louisville). My husband's driving adventures are affectionately known as "Daddy Shortcuts" and rarely are shorter. All of these roads started out "less traveled". Then another person followed and another till it was the very easiest way to go--because there were less obstacles or it was a surer path or a diner sprung up for the hungry teenage boys. Yes, Kentucky does boast some freeways but these other roads are still well-traveled. The city government has tried to relieve this problem with an intricate system of lights and parking restrictions while maintaining the small town feel. The roads struggle to contain the cars that frequent their paths and drivers take many liberties in interpreting road signs and double yellow lines (aka--congestion and too many accidents!). I am not proposing that bulldozing homes is a better option than installing complex stoplight systems to deal with new traffic patterns. But I am reflecting upon the difficulty of traveling a well-worn path that has become clogged with many other travelers. It served its purpose once upon a time but the other demands are now making the travel less effective and a distraction to the purpose, at least for me. Rather than be frustrated with the roads, I think I shall reflect upon how God takes each family down the path that is right for that family. Our road is not going to look identical to your road. However, I clog up my path and detour around the wrong landmarks or I make complex adjustments to problems or I ignore the laws to get past a hardship. Two other dangers lie before me: Traveling the Most Traveled Road because everyone is using it and it is easier to move along or Driving the Least Traveled Road no purpose except to explore it and to be different. God clears out my path to draw me to Himself. Most of all, Jesus meets me on the road and shows me how to walk, run and drive safely to the Father.

Marshall Protocol: Doctor Visit and Direction

Today I saw my wonderful doctor (I do not use that adjective frequently when referring to medical personnel). He is encouraged by my progress and says that after I stabilize with this most recent dosage level of minocycoline, I can move into Phase 2 of the Marshall Protocol. This phase will add another antibiotic because the bacteria are tricky guys and need several approaches. Sounds like children, huh? This second antibiotic will work more on the neurological aspects of my disease. I am not sure how I exactly feel about that because it means that when the antibiotic kills the bacteria, they will release toxins that will directly impact my thinking. Ultimately this is good but . . . who asks to face trials? If God told me that trials are necessary (which He does) and He asked me what trial would I choose for myself to endure for my sanctification and His glory, what would my answer be? Honestly, I cannot think of one single trial I would choose. So I must trust Him in choosing them for me. Today, I read Ps. 52 and reflected on Gods desires take I when face enemies: Make God my refuge, fear God, trust God, give thanks, wait. Yes, the same actions need to be in my life when I face trials of any type. On more mundane notes, after I had the required bloodwork, I deviated from the Marshall Protocol diet with some Artisan Bread from Blue Dog Cafe and Bakery. It was actually pretty safe food as they do not enrich their flour nor use eggs, but the flour was quite white and the bread was delicious. Back to the MP diet in the morning. I tried making some chocolate chip cookies with an unsweetened chocolate bar, no sugar, and whole wheat pastry flour. I am going to have to try again.

The First Day

Today is the first day that Josiah, our 19 year old son, is gone for the whole day without having ability to contact him. He is officially in Army Boot Camp and we are facing another transition. I am proud of him, I miss him, and I am glad that he is secure in his relationship with the Lord. Yesterday, we spent time reading a chapter book aloud, going to Martial Arts class together, playing a family game of "Sorry", watching most of "Hook", and eating homemade pizza. I also tortured the family with requiring a photo shoot, but they all lived through it. Gratitude points:

• I will hear from Josiah by the week's end where I can send letters.

• A phone call from a friend who was feeling for me during this transition.

• Thanks to all those who sent cards to encourage Josiah.

• Time together.

• Praying together for strength and courage for Josiah.

• Phone conversations with his siblings (and niece) living in other states.

• Josiah's excitement in going into the military.

• Friends that have supported our son.

• GOD IS WITH HIM WHEREVER HE GOES!

Marshall Protocol: Sleep

Since the developments of my chronic illness, my sleep has been disrupted by many things and I rarely feel rested. Since increasing my dosage of minocycoline (the antibiotic) to what is considered a therapeutic level on the Marshall Protocol (100mg every 48 hours), I had four nights that I slept through my alarm for my middle of the night dosage of Benicar (40mg every 6 hours). This is not good since my body needs the Benicar in regular increments to help my immune system deal with the killing of the bacteria action of the antibiotic. However, I must admit that I relished the undisturbed sleep and enjoyed the benefits of being a bit more rested in the morning. Yet, I know that I need the Benicar because my body was not happy in other ways. Overall, my sleep has been better since following the MP diet, limiting sun exposure, and beginning the medication protocol. To battle the alarm problem, I switched my phone alarm back to a normal setting instead of vibrate. It is more alarming to wake to this, but I do hear it. I have found my cell phone a good alarm device to help with remembering the medications. I have it with me most of the time and I can easily adjust the times if I need to reschedule a dose. Another reminder that many transitions impact our sleeping patterns--either in adjusting to them or recovering from them. I know this is true in my life from the times of great joy in giving birth to those times of sorrow in agonizing over a death. It is of great comfort to know that God gives us rest. He plans times of sleep. He desired our bodies to need and benefit from rest. He Himself rested, yet He never sleeps. He is ever vigilant and watches over me while I sleep (and while I am awake). I remember a man, when I inquired of how he slept in a hotel, said, "The Lord knows just what I need concerning sleep and that is what He provided. " Oh, Lord, give me a heart of gratitude that chooses to wake and say, "Thank You for the sleep I received from Your hand." "In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for Thou alone, O Lord, dost make me dwell in safety." Ps. 4:8

Transitions Take Time

Our next BIG transition is releasing Josiah to the Army: Boot Camp commences in 5 days. In preparation for this transition, we have taken care of some shopping, enrolling, recruiting, visiting, parties and get-togethers, writing, cleaning, paperwork, decisions, talking, playing and other activities. After Josiah leaves, we will face the reworking of chores, bedrooms, time, food consumption, interaction, correspondence, and one puppy feeling kind of lost. Transitions Take TIME. Time is a precious commodity. Though we all have different financial resources, we each only have 24 hours in a day to use. When transitions come our way, we have to allocate them time slots in our already busy and full days. This means that other things needs to be set aside or eliminated. I find this very hard because everything seems so vital. Previously I pondered that if we did everything that anyone (professional/nonprofessional/expert) said we should do in a day, it would add up to more than 24 hours. I think you know what I mean: have your devotions, minister to others, brush your teeth, share the gospel, exercise your body, get eight hours of sleep, spend quantity and quality time with your kids, have regular communication with your spouse, work eight hours a day (or more, depending on your job/boss), floss your teeth, have some time to yourself, keep a budget, communicate with your friends and family, write or call your congressman, sit down for a meal with your family (and do not eat while doing other tasks) . . . need I go on? Good things, yes? But it is obvious that such a thing is impossible to attain and I did not include some regular daily activities like preparing meals or doing laundry--and then you throw the additional time required for the transitional phases of life and you face something that is totally beyond your ability. Three Time Sanity checkpoints: 1. God is in control of my day. He knows and is sovereign over all the events of life. 2. Plans and routines are good tools but they are never to usurp God's plans, priorities and promptings. 3. My goal today is to honor and glorify God in whatever I do. "So teach us to number our days, that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom." Psalms 90:12