Food Transitions: Do "Real Men" like Tea Time?

Please do not read or comment on this if you are a huge Victorian Age/Jane Austin/Pride and Prejudice fan. You will argue with me all the way and then subject everyone to a tea time.

I am writing this in defense of our young men. I am also writing this to plead with moms who have become convinced that a weekly "tea party" with their children is a way to build a relationship with them due to a growing trend of this from the well-meaning "things were better in the Classical Times" group. Most moms love tea time because, well, they are females and God made them that way.

Though I would agree there are exceptions, I would contend that most men would prefer NOT to take part in a proper tea time.  A proper tea time is filled with proper etiquette, poem reading, sharing quiet conversation, and sitting properly. I think to subject young men to this is to tame them in a way that is contrary to their God-given traits and they will have to fight those traits to comply with the regulations surrounding this proper tea. This is NOT conducive to building relationships.

Yes, I do believe young men need manners but not straight jackets. They will volunteer to join a proper tea time when they are wooing that special girl and I promise you that they will do all that is needed to prove they have proper manners.

So, instead, do relationship building with food that fits their nature. We studied donuts, ice cream and pizza for some unit studies--and of course, that included lots of taste-testing. Following studies that allowed it, we found restaurants that served appropriately ethnic foods. Our conversation was centered around a list of general questions about our learning time, spiritual lives, home life, community life. It was a group effort to initiate and listen and participate. This list provided a framework so we didn't just delve into favorite boy discussions like world domination. One time we completed a study on The Cuban Missile Crisis and went to a Cuban restaurant. We are finishing a study on Ancient Japanese History and will go to an ethnic dining place.

Something not as elaborate is time for a milkshake, ice cream sundaes, pizza, hot chocolate, etc . . .  Or the setting can be changed. Regular mealtimes focus on nourishment.  This time the conversation is more structured and focuses on the child/parent interaction. However,, food is very important to most boys so even by food selection, we are saying I am focusing on you and want to create an atmosphere that is good for you.

Now, the problem becomes if you want to spend time with all your children and they have different preferences/needs/traits. My daughter would have definitely gone for tea with the fine china! So, what do you do?  You alternate activities between the different needs. For my daughter that would have meant that she would deal with (gracefully) doing this time in a more boy-friendly way 4 times before she got her special proper tea time. But she enjoyed their events as well. And now one of my sons is a connoisseur of tea (no help from me on this!).

Joyce Herzog said that sometimes schools are not friendly to how God has made boys; in fact they stunt their growth towards becoming the leaders and doers God intended. I have also observed that many young boys choose not to become readers because all their "required reading" is something females (Moms/Teachers) have liked them.

Special times with special foods can transition our lives and conversations from a busy time to a focus on those special people. God is preparing a banquet to share with us in heaven. I think it will be just what delights us. I would like to do the same for my children--and you, when you come to visit. Any requests?