The Test of the Margins

Oh, the sneaky little thoughts that creep into my head. I can rationalize them quite well, but they are the little thoughts that undo the larger picture--in this case, my decision to increase the margins in my life by limiting my errands and increasing my day at home. This all with the purpose of focusing my limited energy on what is really important and to help heal my body.

The sneaky thoughts start like this, "These are very short errands certainly I can do one more." or "That person will be so blessed if I drop this off at her work." or "My husband mentioned the car needs oil and I should stop to get it."

If I am honest, my thoughts sound like my kids as they push the boundary we have provided for them--for their safety, growth in character, and our family's sanity.

So, I did the two errands and since one was at the post office, I sent the small package to my friend instead of hand delivering it. I did not stop for the motor oil and had to content myself that someone else could pick up the motor oil.

What this all meant for the rest of my day is that I could "tackle" the growing pile of financial papers, finish my online Christmas shopping, tend to a few other home tasks, interact with my son, and go on a date with my husband to celebrate our 32nd anniversary!

My tendency to rationalize around the margins is part of my human nature. Though, in this case, my margins are not based on scripture (but maybe some wisdom) it would not be sin to deviate. However, it might cause me to miss out on what I should be doing or learning or healing.  I am also aware that I can have this tendency to rationalize when it is an issue of following God's command: trust, pray without ceasing, give thanks, be kind, take captive every thought to Christ . . . Please forgive me, Lord, for rationalizing and excusing my nibbling at the edges of Your plan for me.

The EXCEPTIONS allowed may lead to EXCELLENCE denied.

Margins

You know those blank spaces around a printed page? They are called "margins" and they serve the purposes of clarity, thought, reflection, and a brief respite for your eyes. Without margins, the words would run together and sometimes off the page (depending on how the printer feeds the paper), you would have no place to jot down a star next to an important thought and your eyes would tire more easily.

Does this sound like your life right now? I know that we have battled the lack of margins in our lives and a few years back, my husband and I read the wonderful book

Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard A. Swenson

 

which explores our tendency to push to the edges of our lives and leave no margin for the unexpected, unplanned, important, and restful events that do come up in our world. 

Last week, God showed me that I had been pushing the edges of the margins in my present circumstances: specifically, I need to plan two full days at home and limit myself to two errands a day when I am out. This is hard to face because I used to be able to tackle SO MUCH more and it seems like some errands are so short that I certainly could combine them, couldn't I? But with my health situation, changes must be made and I must recognize that my margins are different. 

This forces me to prioritize and plan better. It requires me to ask for help or decide that there is another way I could handle that particular errand. I also have realized again, how sneaky I can be in calling an errand something else--so I try to be VERY broad in what fits an errand: medical appointments, library trips, filling the gas tank, going to martial arts . . . really anything that takes me out of the home is an errand with the exception of a few refreshing events.

 

I wish I would have evaluated this sooner and not pushed into the necessary margins of my life. It is easy to say, "but I cannot cut back on anything!", yet, I needed to ask if I was really honoring God in walking along an edge that removed the protection that He desires. Can you relate? Take a step of faith and put back a margin--then see how God blesses you and provides when you do walk in faith while staying out of those margins!

Surprised by Math

One transition I did not expect was a change of heart towards math. My  head spins at numbers. Maybe this is why I do not care to shop or work on our budget or pay bills? I did diligently endure our mathematics lessons in our homeschooling but it was only a high priority because I knew it was important and marveled at those who found math intriguing.  Honestly, though, I always thought math was missing something important but had no clue as to what that was.

Then a friend put this little book into my hands: Beyond Numbers--A Practical Guide to Teaching Math Biblically by Katherine Loop. The author builds the case against our spiritually neutral view towards math and how we, as believers, need to use math to understand God more deeply, worship Him more thoroughly, and honor Him through service. In essence, we can use and teach math in a way that fulfills the chief purpose of man,"to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."

I love that the Miss Loop addresses the problems with just adding a Scripture verse  or the dangers of inserting "spiritual" parallels to a curriculum to make it "Christian". She instead goes to the foundation of teaching math biblically: our focus, our presentation, and our application. God's very character is displayed by math concepts and applications because it is His creation and this is how it needs to be taught.

So, if you are like me and avoid math, read this book to bring a glimmer of hope and purpose. If you delight in numbers, this book will bring a new depth to that delight. If you are teaching anyone math or thinking math is neutral, you have to read this book to protect the hearts and minds of yourself and those you love.

http://www.christianperspective.net/math.html

Food Transitions Finale: Leaving and Following

My gracious and wise Father gave food to sustained me physically, to delight my senses, to understand spiritual truths, to give me a taste of my heavenly banquet, and to sanctify my heart. The transitions I have chronicled in this mini-series are teaching me to leave behind chaff and to follow Christ and when I do this, I can truly enjoy and benefit from the food He has provided.

Will I leave or follow childhood patterns, my sin nature, other cultures, modern culture, current trends, medical protocols, peer pressure, my flesh, my emotions, or my God?

I am a new creature in Christ. Yet, I struggle against the whispers (or shouts) of those things that desire for me to elevate FOOD to a place that belongs to GOD alone. As I reviewed my mini-series on food, I have a few parting thoughts to challenge my heart to leave behind the chaff and follow Christ's example and godly principles:

• God intended food for my good and to provide what I needed and He intended for it to taste delicious! Have you considered that God does not need food? It delighted Him to make it for us. We are to delight in it and use it as He intended--for our good. Christ delighted to provide wine for a party (and it was the BEST wine) and  to feed multitudes,. God commanded feast days.Yes, they were to eat and enjoy it. Enjoy the wide variety of cultural foods as preparation for the heavenly banquet!
• Recognize that sin has marred my body's hunger sensors and man's food plans. I discovered that man's food programs either ask us to ignore hunger and fullness or to "listen" to it. Both fail to see the impact of our sinful human reasoning and the impact of sin on our frail bodies. To deny a God-given signal may be wrong if my body requires nourishment. Likewise, my body's huger/fullness sensors have been impacted by sin.  My chronic illness caused me to lose my appetite and hunger. I had to force myself to eat. Sin also has impacted our sense of what we would best meet our body's nutritional needs. Knowledge often has to trump my "intuition" or feelings in regards to what I eat.  So, though I can use theses sensors, I cannot depend on them. All past and present food influences must be filtered through scriptural truths to counteract impact of sin.
• Put people ahead of food. Christ saw the needs of the people and met their needs. He tailored the correct food for the people. People are more important than food-- listening, caring, praying, serving, and loving others. Fellowship  is more important than food. Allowing myself and others to comfortably attend potlucks without eating, for whatever reason, is putting the people ahead of the food.
• Let nothing take the place of God in my life. Just as Jesus joined His followers in a meal, I think He would join me for a cup of coffee. I know that He would not NEED coffee--and not just because He is God. Whenever I feel I need a certain food, I have to look at why. I am convicted that coffee (or any other food/drink) does not strengthen me, uphold me, encourage me, or comfort me--that is God's job. I need to go to Him and learn to be satisfied in God. This requires time, energy, focus, and conviction to keep my heart and mind stayed on Him.

Food--God's gift to us.  He uses it to delight us with its beautiful colors, flavor and textures. He uses it to challenge us to be transformed into His image by regarding it correctly. He also nourishes us so we can accomplish His service.. Food--God's gift to us so I can follow Him. That's a great thought for a finale!

Food Transitions: Medical Protocols

I have discovered that medical doctors have their favorite diets or considerations concerning food. You can discover a vast array of approaches. It is hard to sift through and come up with something I can also live with and be committed enough to actually follow.

My initial doctor wanted to cover up my symptoms with medicine so I did not feel the symptoms. I decided I needed to take other avenues than the cover-up method.

The first doctor that used food to address my chronic fatigue (and multitude of other symptoms) thought I had food allergies. It was only many visits later that I discovered this was her default answer to health issues. It is what goes into a man that causes his problems. So, instead of working on healing what was wrong with my body, we avoided the symptoms by removing foods from my diet. This was a vain attempt and I had to abandon this approach.

The next doctor was concerned with healing my body. In order to do this, she placed me a strict anti-inflammatory diet. There are certain foods that can aggravate any inflammation and you can pretty much guess what foods these are. The hardest part was that it eliminated all uncooked foods. Everything had to be cooked. I really missed fresh fruits and vegetables.  Though I felt somewhat better, I could tell that I was not better and I was just giving my body easier to digest foods. The doctor said this would be a lifelong diet for me.

Finally, I am on the Marshall Protocol diet. In someways it is the most restrictive because I have to make sure certain additives are not in foods and it takes out the favorite new health foods: flax and soy. In other ways, it is the least restrictive: dairy and wheat are fine. What this diet admits is that  my flesh is the issue. My body is not handling the bacteria correctly and this is what we need to address. The goal is to be able to return to an unrestricted diet once my body does heal.

When God began transforming my attitude towards food--He showed me that it is not the food that is the issue; it is my flesh. As I ponder this, I am amazed to see that medical answers regarding food follow those of man's attempts to deal with sin: Cover it up, focus on those who are causing your problems or control stressful situations so your sin is not revealed.

The problem is that my flesh is the issue. Just as my physical body is not responding correctly and I have developed a chronic illness; my heart does not respond correctly to God and I am a sinner--by nature. It is that nature that must be dealt with and Christ is the only One Who can transform it.

Hmmm, I wonder if we would see the same patterns of man trying to solve problems in education, parenting, politics, government, as well as in medicine? Just cover it up; blame someone else; or take control?

Food Transitions: Do "Real Men" like Tea Time?

Please do not read or comment on this if you are a huge Victorian Age/Jane Austin/Pride and Prejudice fan. You will argue with me all the way and then subject everyone to a tea time.

I am writing this in defense of our young men. I am also writing this to plead with moms who have become convinced that a weekly "tea party" with their children is a way to build a relationship with them due to a growing trend of this from the well-meaning "things were better in the Classical Times" group. Most moms love tea time because, well, they are females and God made them that way.

Though I would agree there are exceptions, I would contend that most men would prefer NOT to take part in a proper tea time.  A proper tea time is filled with proper etiquette, poem reading, sharing quiet conversation, and sitting properly. I think to subject young men to this is to tame them in a way that is contrary to their God-given traits and they will have to fight those traits to comply with the regulations surrounding this proper tea. This is NOT conducive to building relationships.

Yes, I do believe young men need manners but not straight jackets. They will volunteer to join a proper tea time when they are wooing that special girl and I promise you that they will do all that is needed to prove they have proper manners.

So, instead, do relationship building with food that fits their nature. We studied donuts, ice cream and pizza for some unit studies--and of course, that included lots of taste-testing. Following studies that allowed it, we found restaurants that served appropriately ethnic foods. Our conversation was centered around a list of general questions about our learning time, spiritual lives, home life, community life. It was a group effort to initiate and listen and participate. This list provided a framework so we didn't just delve into favorite boy discussions like world domination. One time we completed a study on The Cuban Missile Crisis and went to a Cuban restaurant. We are finishing a study on Ancient Japanese History and will go to an ethnic dining place.

Something not as elaborate is time for a milkshake, ice cream sundaes, pizza, hot chocolate, etc . . .  Or the setting can be changed. Regular mealtimes focus on nourishment.  This time the conversation is more structured and focuses on the child/parent interaction. However,, food is very important to most boys so even by food selection, we are saying I am focusing on you and want to create an atmosphere that is good for you.

Now, the problem becomes if you want to spend time with all your children and they have different preferences/needs/traits. My daughter would have definitely gone for tea with the fine china! So, what do you do?  You alternate activities between the different needs. For my daughter that would have meant that she would deal with (gracefully) doing this time in a more boy-friendly way 4 times before she got her special proper tea time. But she enjoyed their events as well. And now one of my sons is a connoisseur of tea (no help from me on this!).

Joyce Herzog said that sometimes schools are not friendly to how God has made boys; in fact they stunt their growth towards becoming the leaders and doers God intended. I have also observed that many young boys choose not to become readers because all their "required reading" is something females (Moms/Teachers) have liked them.

Special times with special foods can transition our lives and conversations from a busy time to a focus on those special people. God is preparing a banquet to share with us in heaven. I think it will be just what delights us. I would like to do the same for my children--and you, when you come to visit. Any requests?

Food Transitions: International Dining in our "backyard"

Our Nepalese friends always expose us to their foods. It is considered the right thing to do when having guests in your home. One day, I hope to be considered family and they do not feel a need to bring me chia tea or their most recent rice or noodle dish. Very delicious food. They have told us they tone down the spices for us (we are whimpy) and they accept if I ask for "panni" (water) because I am following medical orders--but they feel sorry for me and want to make sure that is all I desire.

They also accept that we use utensils when eating but they also feel we miss out of truly enjoying our food because we do not touch it. This mystifies them and maybe we need to consider that we are missing out on something with all of our training in manners! Can you imagine a family meal where you did not have to remind children NOT to eat with their fingers?  The peace alone might be worth it and maybe we would be more satisfied if we opted to touch our foods more?

Our new church family has many people with a Filipino heritage. Each week they have a potluck and we are experiencing more distinctly different tastes: Rice is a staple along with tripe soup and "I am not sure what" dishes (often of a fishy nature). When I can, I will experiment. It is very fun to see the excitement when someone brings in a favorite ethnic dish. We have several "nanas" (grandmas) who love to please others with their culinary talents. I will say it is the most unique potluck variety I have experienced within a church family. It has changed my vision of what the heavenly feast Jesus is preparing for us might look like, though I have a hard time placing delicately fried fish heads on that banquet table.

Food Transitions: Eating "Real Food"

 When we moved to Kentucky, God challenged us to refine our diets in many ways. Mainly, we are eating more and more of foods; less and less of ingredients we cannot pronounce. We call it eating "real food". We purchase our beef and milk directly from the farmers that raise it. I continue to make the majority of our food from scratch. No canned soup in the house to add to a casserole.

Some different aspects played into this decision but it is a balancing act between budget, convictions, and life circumstances.

One of the instrumental aspects of transition was reading Fast Food Nation as part of our homeschooling. Not only did we get a lesson in nutrition but we also hit business practices and history. I love how my sons applied their convictions to real life situations and discovered that real food tastes better than what people can make.I also read In Defense of Food and our sons read part of this. Both authors have very good support for their claims but all fall short in looking to honoring God as the Creator and Provider of our food.

We are very grateful for the co-op (or food buying club) we are part of and all the research the leaders do to find farmers who use good farming practices and that we can purchase some items at reduced prices. However, I must admit that most people there have come to make food an idol in another way--focusing on it to heal, support, and meet their needs if they follow a certain way of eating.  More and more of their time is taken up with studying food rather than studying God and His Word.

It was wrong of us to make the dollar a determining factor in food purchases. Cost does not necessarily equate quality. But of course, we have to live within the budget God has given us otherwise we are not honoring Him. Right now we are spending more money on groceries (and have reduced other areas in our budget) but we believe it will reduce medical costs. I have seen that my sons are not as hungry as they once were--is this because they preferred the refined snacky foods or real food fills them up better? I am not sure, but eating less does set off the extra cost of the foods.

Eating in this way requires WAY more time in the kitchen. More cutting, dicing, and mixing. I thought I made a lot from scratch before but this has taken it to a new level. Again, if I want this to be a situation that honors my Lord, I need to make sure this is not robbing from other priorities He has given me. Playing praise music while preparing food helps. Involving others is a good way to cut the labor and have conversation.

Making these sort of transitions requires me, again, to come before the Lord for wisdom! Imagine that! There are so many competing ideas out there but God loves to give His wisdom to those who ask.

Food Transitions: Southern Culture Shock

We shock people when we tell them a big cultural change for our family was the popular foods in this area. We have a greater understanding of "Southern Comfort Foods". Usual side dishes are mashed potatoes, macaroni 'n cheese, grits, cornbread--all in the same meal. Potlucks are a whole new experience.

• Fresh produce is more difficult to obtain in the "south" because there is less demand for it, thus the stores don't have a big turnover. The first time I picked up raw broccoli to place in my shopping cart, it drooped. It did not go home with me.

• When we had a group of teens to our house and offered them fruit, we were asked what it was. They had never seen nectarines or plums before, at least in the fruit's fresh state.

•  Green beans are rarely served green. It is preferred to cook them til they are gray with ham or bacon. Green salads are a rarity but you can often find potato, pasta, or bean salads.

• In season Georgia peaches are truly full of flavor, sweet, and juicy-- especially when Georgia is close to where you live. And Honeycrisp apples are the perfect mix of crunch, moisture and taste. There are other local produce that we have tried but will politely decline: Kale, turnip greens, and okra. I am sure they have merits but . . .

Food Transitions: A New View

Two resources changed my view of food: The Weigh Down Workshop (book) and The Lord's Table (free online study).

As a disclaimer from the start--both of these fail in handling God's Word accurately (at least when I went through them). Mostly, they took some scripture out of context. However, they both had some very God-honoring principles:

• Many of us have made food into an idol.
• Certain foods are not evil; it is the misuse of food that is evil.
• God has given us indicators as to when we should eat (true hunger).
• We need to practice being satisfied in Christ and fill up with Him.
• God provided food to bring pleasure and be a good thing in our lives.

So, I found myself using a new form of evaluation as to when I  ate and when I did not eat. I learned better to listen to my body instead of a clock. Most importantly, I ran more to God than to food when I was tired, hurt, disappointed or discouraged. The friends I took this journey with were invaluable as we encouraged and held one another accountable to seeking the Lord first.

God is so good at starting with my heart and letting the other lessons come from this changed heart. His transformation is good and right.

Food Transitions: Where I started

Food was important in my childhood home. This should not be a surprise because my parents did without through so much of their childhood.

My father grew up as the eldest of 13 children on an Idaho ranch--during The Depression.  He remembers sharing a candy bar with two siblings. He had ice cream once. Dad could suck all the marrow out of a chicken bone and his plate never looked used (but we washed it anyway :)

My mother's childhood was amidst vineyards in the heart of Germany--her small village endured the impact of World Wars. When she immigrated to the USA her limited income did not allow much for food. In fact, she remembers being hungry almost constantly which was not helped by church potlucks where no one explained you could help yourself to food!

Food was important in my childhood home. My dad treated us to ice cream every night. This is the truth. My parents worked hard and though our income was low, I do not remember ever being hungry. Food was also used to treat many discomforts--being tired, in pain, bad day, too hot, too cold--were all valid reasons for eating. This is beside the usual celebrations that include food and, of course, regular meals.

I also grew up during a time when our grocery stores went from being a small-family-owned establishment to chains. The food industry relied on more and more prepared foods and less and less on "real" ingredients. These cheaper foods were ideal for a growing family on a limited budget. The price of the item now became a big indicator of what my family purchased.

When I married, I started preparing the majority of our meals from scratch. This was a taste preference. As our family grew and our income shrunk, I delved into bargain shopping for food. This involved a leap into coupon shopping which majors on the prepared foods.

But God was ready to change my view about food and over the next few blogs I will share with you a travel log of that journey.

Promises, Priorities and Procrastination, Part 2

Promises: "Little" things set a pattern for fulfilling promises. Did I promise to read a book to a child after dinner? Did I say I would come early to help with the set up? Did I tell God I would respond to the next nudge to give generously?

Priorities: Priorities need to change with the seasons of life that God brings. Feeling ill has caused my priorities to change a lot. Pregnancy or having little ones around will do this as well. It is important to remember that God has given us the same amount of time and we are to be good stewards of that time--that means doing what He desires with that time. I think being chronically ill has helped refine my priorities. I need to accept this as a way God is refining me.

Procrastination: We rarely procrastinate on those things that are easy for us to do or we find enjoyable. So, it does help to sandwich the harder things between the more enjoyable/easier activities. One time, I had a huge project list. I also had a compelling novel. So, I got to read a chapter after an item was crossed off the list. This time, I flew through both! Other times, I break down something difficult into smaller steps. It just helps.

Promises, Priorities, and Procrastination

In this season of my life I am seeing the link between these three elements: promises, priorities, and procrastination.

A promise, to me, is a commitment. I take these very seriously and do everything I possibly can to fulfill them. A promise means if I say I will call you later in the week, I call. If I tell someone I am attending a meeting, I go (and arrive on time). If I give my son extra entertainment screen time, I follow through though this is one of my least favorite things. Because a promise is taken seriously, I make sure that my children (who are VERY capable of remembering a favoring promise) understand when I am promising versus when something might happen. I think honoring a promise is reflecting our Lord Who fulfills all of His promises.

Preferences do not make priorities. Needs and the authority of scripture should dictate my priorities.  My husband and I plan dates because our marriage is a priority. Right now, to follow this medical protocol requires me to place a higher emphasis on rest, food preparation, and regular routines. I do not like this, but it is a priority. A dear friend recently told me that she was having to give up something she thoroughly enjoys to see if this reduces her intense pain. Needs create priorities.

Promises and priorities are carefully linked. Priorities are a good screening of many promises. We do not make promises that conflict with keeping our date nights. Homeschooling and parenting require time and energy. Do outside activities compliment or take away from those priorities? We guard our time with Nepalese refugees but do not let it consume our lives because this is not all that God has called us to do.  So, priorities influence what I promise to others. This is a very good discipline. It is not easy, but it is necessary.

On the flip side, promises create priorities. Fulfilling the promise means other things must submit to it. Isn't this what frustrates us about our political and legal system: The promises are not what really happens? So, let's be different and say that when we make a promise, we will make it a priority in our lives to fulfill it barring obstacles we cannot foresee.

Sorry to all the procrastinators out there but  I never understood procrastination until I became chronically ill. It was so much easier just to get it done and not let it simmer on the burner of my mind! Now, there are days when I honestly think that a certain project will be easier to tackle when my mind is clearer or my body is stronger. You know what I mean--nothing is just flowing easily and when I get up the next day, inspiration or desperation might just drive me to be able to accomplish XYZ. Are you laughing at me?

As much as I would like to say, in my weak body, that procrastination has become a welcomed friend because genius and clarity arrive when I wait, I would be fooling myself. It is just as likely that the next day my mind will be groggy and my body weak (or maybe groggier and weaker). So, I may need to fulfill those priorities and promises within my present weakened state and accept that my efforts were not perfect or inspired! Argh, is my pride showing?

I need to be careful about promises and allow time and energy for priorities. It is helpful to have a variety of priorities before me: physical, mental, emotional. This way I can vary what I am doing throughout the day to accommodate for my varying physical/mental capabilities while still working towards priorities. Finally, it has been invaluable to readily admit when I could not keep a priority, "I promised I would do XYZ but this is why I could not accomplish it ________________. I am sorry."  Friends and family can be quite understanding if I am characterized by fulfilling my promises and keeping my priorities. They do not always expect me to be perfect!

MP: Insurance vs. Assurance

Recently I was notified by my medical insurance company that they will no longer underwrite Benicar, a necessary component of the Marshall Protocol, for their customers. This will substantially increase my medical costs in continuing this protocol. In order to prove this is the ONLY drug that will work, we would have to show documentation of trying all their other "drugs of choice"--none of which provide the necessary cellular action to heal my body.

This situation has made me ponder the difference between Insurance and Assurance.We will examine the roots of these words--

Insure--provide or obtain coverage by contract on or against a loss; to make certain by taking necessary measures and precaution

Assure--to make safe; to give confidence to; to make sure or certain; convince; inform positively; to make certain the coming or attainment of

Insurance is based on rules. The medical insurance company made a contract with us that included the coverage of Benicar. Yet, they decided to change that contract to protect their financial loss on this very drug without regard for my loss. To insure is a business arrangement. Good thing to remember when jumping through their endless hoops and being on the receiving end of their limited-knowledge decisions.

Assurance is based on a relationship. These are the very terms that apply to my doctor as he walks me through the MP. He cannot assure the results but he provides knowledge that encourages me to continue and a way to do so safely. This also applies to others who have walked this path before me. None of us is guaranteed a certain outcome but we can encourage one another to take the next step.

I am challenged to consider if, in my roles (mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister), is it my desire to act with insurance (rules; contracts) or with assurance (safe, confident, encouraging relationships)? The rules are so easy to check off and one party can change the rules to their benefit! So enticing.

Yet, as I ponder Insurance vs Assurance I must consider my example:

The One True God Who Provides--

Assurance of Hope--Hebrews 6:11

Assurance to Draw Near to God--Hebrews 10:22

Assurance of Things Hoped For--Hebrews 11:1

Oh, the very things I want from the insurance company are simply a foretaste for what God promises, and He is the Only One can provide it. And His promises are sure.

So next time I have to pay more for Benicar or fill out the multitude of forms for the insurance company or face another hurdle, I pray I will rest in God's assurances. And if I don't, you have my permission to remind me to do so! Better yet, just start reading God's promises to me :) I am less likely to disagree!

from The Wallis World toThe Wallis Whirlwind

Back when all of our wonderful children were nestled under one roof, we courageously compiled an annual letter entitled The Wallis World. Our world consisted of people passing through for visits, our home, our church, our community and whatever we read of the world beyond. It seemed so busy and full of transitions from one day to the next but it was still a fairly small sphere.

Now, our munchkins are mostly out exploring the world in many different venues. It is an interesting transition and it is easy to see why many people long for the days of younger years. NOW those younger years seem less complicated.

So, as our children are out exploring the world, going where God takes them, this particular October is becoming a Wallis Whirlwind/Windstorm/Hurricane/Tornado.

Kirsten and her family are moving from California to Kentucky and will be living in our basement as they get settled into new jobs and a new location. Our house will be busier with two lovely young girls evening out the female/male ratio for the first time in decades! This was a two-week-turnaround for them so that has got to count as a Whirlwind. They arrive here about Oct. 6th.

Timothy is visiting a friend in St. Louis, Missouri on his Fall Reading Break then traveling to South Dakota, with a crew of college students, to repair a family's home damaged by fire. So much for reading! We are proud of his servant's heart and he always has a "go-get-em" attitude so we are sending a friendly Hurricane to South Dakota. He will be gone Oct. 1st through 9th.

Josiah graduates from the Army Boot Camp Oct. 15th. Some family and friends will stay at our home while some of travel to Georgia for the ceremonies. Josiah will come home for a visit then he will be off to New York for his new duties and more training in the 10th Mountain Division. Be prepared for a major Windstorm moving from Georgia through Kentucky and on up to New York.

Peter and his lovely wife, Grace, depart for Japan on Oct. 17th to fulfill a dream of living in a rural community there for several months before setting off to explore Europe through July 2011. This is a very special opportunity for them and perfect timing as they are between stages of life. Peter and Grace both juggle many things and will be hitting spots along the way so they are our Tornado.

Our dear Jonathan is having to settle for more minor disruptions like moving from room-to-room to accommodate different events. Maybe it is a mild Spring Zephyr, except it is Fall so that will not do. He does like being home but misses having family around so he will enjoy their presence.

So, our little Wallis World has exploded into the World. These transitions are exciting, but they do take time and they are messy. As are all storms.

Medical ID and Marshall Protocol

The doctor overseeing my Marshall Protocol to deal with my chronic illness warned us of the danger of stopping the Benicar and of being given antibiotics that will result in dramatic reactions in those on the Marshall Protocol.

Purchasing Medical ID became important for me, in case of an emergency. However, I am very picky about jewelry: I like it to go with whatever I already have (white gold and gold tones), delicate, classy and something I am not particularly aware I am wearing. Oh, it also needs to fit my budget for extras, which means I am not going to purchase a $200 medical id bracelet.

A friend (thanks Debby) did some internet research into possibilities when I was in brain fog and felt overwhelmed. Through the process I discovered a nurse who has a sideline business of making jewelry and also thought that medical alert could look attractive. She was great to work with and met my requests, adapting things as needed, tackling complicated instructions for the medical ID plate and she even researched the particulars with other medical staff so the information would be clear.
hillcountrysilver.etsy.com or HillcountryIDeology.etsy.com

I loved working with her and she did a great job of communicating during a busy season. I am very pleased with the final product and WHEN I am done with this medical protocol, I may send the bracelet back to her to remove the Medical ID plate so I can keep wearing this delicate, classical bracelet.

For Marshall Protocol Patients--You are allergic to ALL antibiotics EXCEPT Fluoroquinolones and Cephalosporins.

Which "I" will win?

It was one of those times that I do not care to repeat: My husband experienced a very harsh reaction to an antibiotic which laid him out for 48 hours; Being overcharged at the doctor's office and facing the billing department soon; the dog was diagnosed with a double ligament tear in her knee requiring 3 or more months of rest; the internet went down just before I had to go to appointments and leave my son to do his internet based schoolwork; the carpet cleaners promised me they would arrive by 9am. I had to cancel that service when they still had not showed and I had to leave for an appointment; I had four errands I needed to complete on top of the additional, unexpected needs; My hope for the day was to spend the afternoon quietly completing some paperwork/cyberwork. That did not happen and will need attention another day.

Can you relate? In the midst of this day God reminded me of a simple statement that has helped me through those times. I play it in a cadence in my head to help sort out my feelings:

Is this _______(circumstance)_____________

an Inconvenience

an Interruption

an Irritation

or really IMPORTANT

I admit that I still struggle and certainly want to be " I " focused. When I had little ones around our home, this cadence was essential! Today has been filled with doubt, but if I truly evaluate the stuff of life, I realize that the really IMPORTANT needs to set my tempo/attitude--NOT the inconvenient, interruptions, or the irritations.

Transformation is Beyond Us

God reminded me that He does the work of transformation.

During a 36 hour pass to visit with one of our sons-- between 9 weeks of Basic Training (Army Boot Camp) and 5 weeks of AIT (Advanced Infantry Tactics/Training)-- God gave me a glimpse that He continues to fill in the foundation of our parenting with His special direction unique to each child.

This was a very sweet time of interacting and watching our son's behavior, speech, and spirit reflect more of the kingdom purposes and some of those lessons we wanted instilled in him refined, developed, and solidified.

As much as we would like all of these things done before they leave home, that is not necessarily God's plan. Though we have a responsibility to shape, encourage, exhort, discipline and teach our children, the transformation of our children's hearts and lives is beyond our capabilities. 

So, I am encouraging you younger parents to set your expectations to the higher calling but remember that God does the transforming and will often use situations beyond you to refine your children. It is not all up to you! God is amazing. Be in awe of what He can do with a lump of clay.

MP: an alien in my own body

There is another struggle in chronic illness and the Marshall Protocol that I am discovering: wondering what activity will help lessen bad feelings or symptoms. Will eating a bit more help or hinder; did I get too much sunlight; will I feel more rested from a nap or is it exercise I really need? I used to be able to tell. Now, I am rarely sure. I try to rest and become more restless. I try changing activities and nothing changes. Distraction can be a good thing. Sometimes I just have to wait until the symptoms go away (or not go away).

It is strange not to know what will happen. I thought this was odd til I talked with others at our Marshall Protocol Support Group and found out that many had the same questions when they encounter "aliens in their bodies". This is also a challenge for those who live with us.

It is also VERY weird to discover that feeling normal, physically, emotionally, and mentally is actually an alien feeling!

I do know that having someone else stop and pray aloud for me always helps and brings peace whatever circumstances I am in, physically, emotionally or mental. Thanks God, for answering those prayers. And thanks, Friends, for taking the time to pray out loud for me.

Mommy Tool: Giving to transients

We often see people who have been caught in transitions; not sure if they can get out or maybe they want to remain stuck right in their present state. We call these people "transients".

Knowing that Christ loves the least of these and demonstrates His lovingkindness to all who are in need, I wanted to follow His example. Mostly these people ask for money but my husband and I agreed that was not being a good steward usually. Another person makes a bunch of sandwiches and carries them to the streets. But I wanted something I where I could respond as I walked along the way and in which my children could see that we reach out to everyone.

So, we keep bottles of water and granola bars in our car for the purpose of giving them away with some kind words. Now, instead of replying "no" to a request for money, I can hand them something that might benefit them in this time of transition.

Simple, easy, and infinitely better than what I used to do which was walking by them with my eyes avoiding theirs. God is reminding me that we are all in some sort of transition in this life.

Cicadas and Sin

I do not think I will get used to the sound of cicadas. They are a new creature to me since moving to Kentucky. We went on a family outing to a forest and our children begged to leave because their minds were being confused by the irritating noises. Being the homeschool mom I am, I made them research the annoying critters but one child asked if they could keep it brief because even the thought of them irritates his brain.

What we discovered later is that the cicadas like any wooded area and they found our backyard. Now their constant buzzing is disrupts the pleasantness of being in our own yard for most of the summer. We have come to pronounce them, in our family as Sick-a-duz (sick of those).

These nasty critters do serve a useful purpose, however, because you can use them an illustration of how sibling bickering sounds to parent's ears.

I wonder if this is what my sin sounds like to my loving and holy God? Is my sin a constant buzzing in His ears? Is my sin like the screech of crunching metal? If my praise is a sweet sound to Him, then certainly when I sin, it must be one an annoying noise that begs Him to move away from me so He does not need to hear it anymore.

As the nights turn colder, the cicadas begin to die. Our backyard is peaceful.

I should have had to die so that God no longer hears the annoying buzz of my sin. Instead, Jesus died. Now there is peace with God. Thank You, God.  But when those sins creep back into my heart, I must die to myself, confess my sin and He is faithful and just to forgive me of those sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness (annoying noises!). Thus, I can have peace with God. "Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 5:1

Oops, I forgot--some memory resources

Some memory resources especially for the student who would rather not spend so much time studying (or the mom who wants to remember her list without finger counting):

The Memory Book by Harry Lorayne and Jerry Lucas (yes, the basketball star, so maybe dads will like this book as well!). All the editions are the same material.

For any student--check out www.smart.fm

This is a helpful tool for reviewing vocabulary, numbers, states, etc . . . This sets goals and is very interactive making it hard to cut corners. It also sets up time delay review. If you don't see what you want there, you can create your own list/goals to practice (and another way to review the material). And it is free!

Jonathan is using it to prepare for a Biology CLEP test. I hope to use it to learn some Hindi because I am working with people from Nepal.

MP: The healing of the spirit

Today, I am cheating on the Marshall Protocol. I am sitting on my deck, in the shade, appropriately dressed within MP standards, wearing my Noir protective lenses. But I am outside while the sun is up and know that it would probably be better to be away from the natural light (even in the shade).

However, my spirit needed to see the green trees and grass, to feel the breeze, and hear the birds.

I have been outside in daylight hours, but that was for a specific need. Today, it is just to refresh my soul.

I would be foolish to think this was not just as important in the healing process. I am glad our doctor says, "Do not stop living." For me, today, this is just what I need to be doing--outside and enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells of Creation. It is healing to my soul.

Mommy Tool: Remembering

God's timing is such a blessing: Just when I am dealing with mental fog, he puts a memorization technique unit before us for academic learning (as well as many applications in real life).

But this has jogged my memory of threelittle tools I used to help my children remember the instruction I gave them. Maybe you will find them helpful as well.

1. Give them four things to do and have them use their fingers (on one hand) to go over each of the things and the fifth finger is for a hug from Mom so they can report they did the other things. You may have to start with only two instructions for younger children and build it from there. Remember, the hug and success is the goal! This technique is especially helpful for regular lists like what to do after they get up in the morning: finger 1: Change clothes; finger 2: put away pajamas; finger 3: brush teeth; finger 4: feed dog; finger 5/thumb: Hug Mom!

2. Give an instruction and link it to a silly word. "After you finish your board game, please go pick up the toys in the yard. Pumpernickel!" The child then has to repeat the silly word, after he says, "Yes, Mom," of course! Then when he claims those were not the instructions or he never heard you say that (it does happen :), you can gently remind him of the silly word. I usually just start to say it and they can finish it. Or sometimes I will just tell them that a silly word was attached to the instruction--and they will remember the word, and then the instructions. Ouch! Do not rush to give them the whole word because if they have to say it, they are accepting more responsibility and building their memory. This is also a very helpful technique for those children who struggle to wake in the morning and claim you never woke them up! I make them repeat a silly word before I leave their room and they do indeed remember the word when I remind them of it.

3. Finally, relating the known task/assignment from a known thing to an unknown is a very helpful tool. I just found out that orators of old (when written language was not as common as it is now), remembered the flow of their stories by associating it with things within a common building (as their houses). This technique has been especially helpful in our academic studies: "How is multiplication like addition" for example (answer--multiplication is rapid addition and you show this with examples, of course). I love how Joyce Herzog uses this technique in the Scaredy Cat Reading System: Vowels are scared and brave and when they are scared they make scared sounds. When they are brave, they can say their names. Now what child has problems understanding "brave" and "scared". Now they just need to learn what is scaring those vowels!

As you practice these skills, you will find yourself making new applications all the time--even to your own work around the house. Don't forget the hug when you finish your four things.

Marshall Protocol: An odd time to call the doctor

It is very strange to call the doctor to get advice when I am consistently feeling the best I have in almost two years. Very odd. Most of the time we call for medical help when we cannot take the symptoms anymore, but I am calling because I have had almost no negative reactions since starting the new antibiotic. I feel a little "off" about an hour before my Benicar dose (every 6 hrs) is due and a few minor symptoms but all very manageable. It is very strange to think you are doing something wrong when you feel good! I felt funny trying to explain this to the receptionist in my message to the doctor but she handled that information just fine. The doctor has been out of the office most of this week so no word back yet--but I guess that is okay because I am feeling fine. It is very odd to feel almost normal and it is even odder to think that is odd :) That is what happens when you take a different approach to defeating the enemy lurking in my body--there has to be something wrong if it is all quiet on the frontlines of battle. I had the same qualms when the children were very quiet in the house. They must be up to something. I've read much on what to do if my symptoms are going wild, but have not found literature on what to do if they are quiet. Very odd.

Tools for Moms

Our homeschooling resumes next week. Only one child left at home. Very strange transition. We don't really like it. But, as I am contemplating this reduction in class-size, I am also remembering the tricky parts of having many young children at home. There were times I wanted the "Take a Number" system as you see at some delis and Department of Motor Vehicles. We discovered that young children (and some adults) need to learn the correct transition to interrupt a conversation or activity. The most helpful tool was having the child gently place their hand on our arms to indicate that they wanted/needed our attention or wanted to participate in the discussion. We practiced it at home before taking it public, and it worked extremely well. I do want to warn moms that you have to be very specific with some children to place their hand, not lean or tap their hand, to get the attention! Some people are just more insistent and it can be a distraction. The parent also makes a commitment that she will close the conversation and give the child attention as soon as is reasonable. Now, in our time of training and educating, I discovered this polite interruption technique is also very helpful. For us, it took place most often during our educational hours, but we also used it doing our together work times because I might be in the middle of reading a recipe or helping another child learn a task. We also took it one step further. We placed "Mommy-Pass" cards in a pocket on our wall. Each child had at least one card with his/her name written on it (non-readers had their name plus a symbol). When I was working with someone else and another child wanted my attention, they would remove their card from the pocket and place it next to me. They were then to proceed with another activity until I was able to meet them. Thus, they continued After I met with them, I placed the card backwards in the pocket so we knew it had been used. This was wonderful! There were so many moments when a child was on the brink of that educational breakthrough and I could finish working with them without interruption. It made for a more pleasant school time for all of us. One other benefit we discovered was that children began to work out more of the problems on their own. As our children matured, they had less "Mommy Pass" cards available to them. Then as they approached me with their card, I could also most see them thinking, "Is this really worth a Mommy Pass card? Oh, now I remember how to do that exercise," or "I had a similar problem before; I will look at that," or "I will try doing that chore on my own again." They were excited and I was excited that they discovered different pathways to come up with an answer. Another reminder that transitions can be formulas for learning.

MP: When to step up the anitbiotics?

In the Marshall Protocol, small pulses of antibiotics are taken every 48 hours. Each time a new antibiotic is started, you start on a very small dose and slowly increase it to make sure you can handle the immunopathology that follows the dying bacteria. Immunopathology is a fancy word that means that you feel sick because your body is fighting the bad guys. The objective is to reach the full therapeutic dose without giving up on the protocol because it interferes too much with daily living. Therefore, you can step up to the next level of antibiotic when you can tolerate the side effects of killing those bacteria for a week or two (depending on the bacteria and your life). You can also hold off on the new level if you have an important meeting or event in the near future--just to avoid surprises. My body is doing a good job of letting me know when to change the dosage. I stagnant or plateau and wonder why I am even following this protocol. My husband said, "You seem to sense that it is no longer doing you any good." This is exactly the feeling that I get. My health does not go backwards I just feel like the scum-covered pond that was near my childhood home: water, home to many fish, full of food, important. Yet, it just does not compare to the life of the clear, bubbling brook set amongst the trees: sparkling, refreshing, clean. The other indicator is the ability to regularly take Benicar on the regular schedule of every six hours. If I am needing to take Benicar every four hours and increase my dosage, then I have eliminated the most effective method of making any bad immunopathology tolerable. One woman encouraged mothers to listen to their "mommy-gut" instinct regarding their children. If mothers are in obedience to God, they can listen to this instinct because they are filtering it through the lens of Truth. Likewise, I am listening to my body (which God designed) to determine how best to proceed through this protocol--for me. Your way may be different for you. Blessed is the doctor who realizes this that we need to listen to our bodies (my doctor does)! I am sure there are other ways to determine when to take what and when to stop. These are just two ways that have helped me at this time.

Who would have thought?

Those who have known me for anytime can tell you what my favorite time of day is. I love mornings. I love to see the darkness give way to the light. I love the soft shadows that play along the streets as they are chased away. The air is fresher after a night of slumber. Dew often hugs the grass. Sometimes a gentle breeze awakens the leaves. It is quiet. The nocturnal animals are settled into their beds. The morning animals are just beginning to stir. Few people are en route to their work or school. In my house, no one else is awake. I can think. Yet, as my circumstances have changed, and mornings are usually my most difficult time of the day (physically/emotionally), and I need to limit exposure to sunlight, I determined to stay up later at night. Who would have thought? After the sun sets, I walk with Trevor and sometimes I sit on our deck to enjoy the outside. This is not a quiet time: The cicadas and frogs are VERY loud. It seems no animals are sleeping. Cars are coming and going. More planes zip towards the airport. Machines buzz. Our sons prefer the night hours. Friends and family on the West Coast are more available to chat at night (their evening). Yet, God is using this time for some more prayer, little spurts of energy to do something creative (gasp!), and interacting more with our family and friends. Trevor likes that when he awakes I am still in the bedroom. Who would have thought that God would bring such a transition into my life? Maybe the morning treasures will be returned to me, but right now I think I will dig what I can out the night. Maybe I will discover jewels in this blanket of darkness for my God created both the night and the day. Maybe night will become a friend. "The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night. A prayer to the God of my life." Psalm 42:8

a poem for times of transformation

A friend sent me this devotional poem in a time of darkness. She did not know but my heavenly Father did and ministered to me through this sweet fragrance of His grace.

Beside my cottage door it grows, The loveliest, daintiest flower that blooms, A sweet brier rose. At dewy morn or twilight’s close, The rarest perfume from it flows, This strange wild rose. But when the raindrops on it beat, Ah, then, its odors grow more sweet, About my feet. Often with loving tenderness, Its soft green leaves I gently press, In sweet caress. A still more wondrous fragrance flows, The more my fingers close, And crush the rose. Dear Lord, oh let my life be so, Its perfume when stronger winds blow, The sweeter flow. And should it be Your blessed will, With crushing grief my soul to fill, Press harder still. And while its dying fragrance flows, I’ll whisper low, “He loves and knows His crushed brier rose.”

I always encourage my children to learn more information about subjects. This poem's author may have studied some attributes of this rose which I share with you. Now, an appropriate application and delicate reminder would be to plant a Sweet Briar Rose. Botanical: Rosa rubiginosa

The flowers of the Sweet Briar are a little smaller than those of the Dog Rose and generally of a deeper hue, though of a richer tint in some plants than in others. They are in bloom during June and July. The fruit is eggshaped, its broadest part being uppermost or farthest from the stem.

The specific name rubiginosa signifies, in Latin, 'rusty,' the plant having been thus named as both stems and leaves are often of a brownish-red tint. It delights in open copses, though is sometimes found also in old hedgerows and is more specially met with in chalk districts in the south of England.

Its fragrance of foliage is peculiarly its own and has led to it holding a cherished place in many old gardens. Under its older name of Eglantine its praises have been sung by poets.

It takes a shower to bring out the full sweetness of Sweet Briar, when its strong and refreshing fragrance will fill the air and be borne a long distance by the breeze. Though the leaves are so highly odorous, the flowers are almost entirely without scent.

Sweet Briar only obtains a place among perfumes in name, for like many other sweetscented plants, it does not repay the labour of collecting its odour, the fragrant part of the plant being destroyed more or less under treatment. An Essence under this name is, however, prepared, compounded of various floral essences so blended as to resemble the spicy fragrance of the growing plant. In olden days the Sweet Briar was used medicinally.

Information and image obtained from

http://botanical.com/botanical/mgmh/r/roses-18.html

poem from "Streams in the Desert", compiled by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman

MP--A Gentle Introduction to Phase 2

My gracious God has gently introduced me to Phase 2 of the Marshall Protocol. I was just starting to feel more "normal" physically and emotionally on Phase 1 so I knew it was time to move on but I must admit that I was also reluctant to face the symptoms of dying bacteria. However, in my first week on Phase 2, I have continued to have a functioning brain and energy to do household projects. I have only had a few blocks of time that I felt poorly. I am very grateful for this time to enjoy thinking and attacking some neglected work. After reviewing a chart of the normal immunopathology associated with minocycline, with my husband's wise input, I switched to taking the antibiotics in the morning (instead of the night) so that most of my symptoms would hit when I am sleeping. Now, sleep has not been the greatest, but I am feeling better doing the day and my morning, in particular, has been more tolerable. Each antibiotic has a different schedule so we will see what happens with clindamycin. Chart for immunopathology of Minocycline http://mpkb.org/home/mp/mpmeds/minocycline I am presently taking 1/4 dose of the full desired dose minocycline (25mg) and clindamycin (37.5 mg) every 48 hours, and will continue at this level for at least another week, or until my symptoms are tolerable. Then I increase one of the antibiotics another 1/4. This stair-stepping continues until I can tolerate a full dose of both antibiotics. I am using these tools to chart my symptoms. I prefer the Phase 1 chart as it allows more room for a greater variety of symptoms. I also track my average ratings on any given day (which my husband and I devised and I posted recently into another blog). http://mpkb.org/home/lifestyle/toolsformp#symptom_chart Thank You, Lord for some gentle transitions and for providing wisdom and tools for those transitions.

Sweet Fragments of Refreshment

God reminded me of how He uses sweet fragments of life to encourage us in a brief 12 hour period of my life. We heard the testimony of a woman, infused with God's truth via her grandparents, eventually brought to repentance because His Word kept speaking to her heart though she spent years walking her own way. Now God's Word is her song and her son says that his mom does not have a favorite verse; she loves it all. It was a delight to hear her speak God's Word, one verse after another and how they ministered to her. As you know, in my chronic illness, the staying power of God's Word has been a struggle and some of my sleep is filled with terrifying images. The other night, in my dream, I was completely recalling verses I have memorized. Oh, how my spirit was refreshed as the Word of God spoke to my heart. Such a sweet sleep, it was difficult to wake. As I walked to the our mailbox with another batch of letters to send, a beautiful black moth with white accents landed just in front of me and stayed still while I watched it. It was a moment to reflect upon the awesome work of our Creator and His directing hand on all of His creation. Thanks Lord for the fragrance that You placed in this 12 hours. You refreshed my weary spirit, my heart, my ears, my mind, and my eyes.

Marshall Protocol: Communicating My Status

My husband worked with me to develop this rating system so we could communicate better how I was fairing for the day. I encourage others dealing with chronic illness to do likewise (or it may come in handy during other life-changing times like pregnancy, grieving, frustrating job situations). Of course, I may hit many stages throughout the day but I kind of average it and may note particularly bad or good times. Effective and brief communication is very important for me and my support. 10—GREAT! Sustained over time 9—Pretty Good; symptom free 8—Stable plus some creativity 7—Stable; productive, clear head, happy 6—Guarded; unsure what is going to happen 5—I’m getting by 4—Struggling; coping 3—Barely functioning 2—Hiding (not down but away from others/activities) 1—NOT doing ANYTHING Levels 1-4 call for specific coping strategies and intervention.

Transitions Take Time and Make Messes

This summer our middle son and a friend resided with us while they took a break from studies to work so they could resume their studies (without incurring more debt). So, they loaded up two cars and a van and moved back into the dorms. In the spirit of college life, this was done at the last possible moment choreographed with the washing machine and dryer twirling nonstop for all day and most of the night. The busy beehive of activity reminded me that transitions require TIME and make MESSES. In order to fill a box, a shelf needs to be emptied. In order to stuff a car, other objects need to be strewn across the floor to see how to finish the jigsaw puzzle. And then there is the small refrigerator with leftover food that was ignored for a parent to discover. I have not ventured into the unknown cavern of the bedroom closet yet. Of course, in all humility, I tried to clear off my desks (kitchen and school) this week. I gave up and used the box method. The desks are now cleared but the items are stuffed in boxes to help me reorganize the desks to my purposes. So, this is not a problem with just college students! Any transition needs time to work through and we need to allow ourselves the extra time to work through those transitions. I am very aware of this in the kitchen as our transition to healthier eating (and my MP limitations) requires even more food to be made from scratch. Since God has only given each of us the same amount of time and brings these transitions into our lives, I need to go to Him for wisdom in how to budget the time for His purposes. Also, my attitude is challenged to relax about the messes. This is part of the process. Transitions are messy. I can fuss but messes also take time to clean up and this goes back to my comment on time. Transitions can be messy and require time in another way: They have a tendency to reveal my heart and my sin that God wants to deal with in His way. I need to budget time to confess my sin and take every thought captive to Christ as He sanctifies me so, in my transition, I am transformed to His likeness. Lord, please help me use time to deal with the messes of my heart while I take time for transitional messes.

Mood Mugs

Okay, this is another coffee story. However, I also drink herbal tea so it is also a tea story--and for my kids, it is a hot chocolate story. I have discovered I have "mood mugs". As most of you, I have been given an assortment of mugs. I find that I select which to use based on my mood or where my thoughts are going for that day--or where I need to redirect my thoughts for that day! A friend gave me a mug that proclaims one of the many verses we use to encourage one another, "Be still and know that I am God." Another is just uniquely pretty with a subtle green transforming into bronze. One mug is HUGE! Ready for one of those times I feel the need to have a larger portion and still call it just a cup :) When we first moved here, I regularly used a mug from my husband's work to remind me to pray for his new employment. Now, I often use the one that declares "Army Strong" as I reflect upon my fourth child's new adventures. and lift him up to the True Strength-Giver. I have pretty mugs, different colored mugs, light-hearted mugs and special mugs because of who gave them to me. My children prefer the penguin, Christmasy-snowflake, or leopard-spotted mugs, though the black BIG mugs are also popular (they get part of that strategy from me, but mostly from their father). Moods are transitional. I cannot depend on them. Every thought needs to be taken captive to Christ. I must bring them under His truth and authority by His grace. Thus, He transmutes my moods: Transforming or transitioning them from lead into gold that brings praise to HIM. As goes my clothes' closet it would be probably be wise to clean out my mug cupboard. Would that be as hard as getting rid of books that have become friends? However, I know that there are some mugs that are largely ignored. So, I think the time has come to transition them from my house to a place where they could meet another's need or mood. In fact, I know what I will do: I will give them to my immigrant friends and recent refugees to our city. God has brought these special friends into our lives in the midst of our transition and their transition. Sharing my mood mugs is just another way of sharing in the other person's lives--and when I go to their house, they will share their chia tea with us. Maybe God will take this simple act and transmute my humble offering to bring about His transformation in their lives.

Marshall Protocol: Zombies Take Over

After my last posting, it is only appropriate that I am enjoying an breve in my favorite coffee shop in Louisville, Day’s Espresso. Maybe I should be exploring a new-to-me-shop, but I am not up to the unexpected today.

My sons have introduced Zombies to me and they have a Survival Guide to Zombies which is a good investment because Zombie is what I feel like with my chronic fatigue and brain fog. In fact, I have decided that the poor soul who created Zombies had some sort of chronic illness and that is how he could write so descriptively about Zombies (of course, a male developed this creature, right?).

Chronic illness definitely makes one feel that an alien has taken over her body! And an unpredictable alien it is. I used to be fairly confident that I would awake ready and motivated to tackle the day’s activities with an engaged heart and mind. Now, even if a spark of that comes, I never know how long it will last.

Lesson 1: Savor the moment of clarity and energy for you never know what tomorrow (or the next moment will bring). Thank You, Lord, for this moment when I can be productive and think to praise You!

Lesson 2: Do not try to make up for everything you have not done in that sparkly moment because you will probably pay for it and relapse to Zombie state sooner. Thank You, Lord, for answering my prayer for wisdom in what I should and should not do.

Lesson 3: Before the Zombie state returns, write up a Survival Guide for you and your family. This time, too, comes from the Father’s hand. Be at peace for He surrounds you with His love, comfort, and hope—even when you cannot see anything in front of you. Oh how my heart fights against this time unless I trust in HIM! Sometimes all I can say is, “I will TRUST YOU! I will TRUST YOU!”

Milkshakes and Coffee

Besides being extra yummy, what do these have in common? My son and I are looking for our favorite place to obtain these delicious treats: coffee for me; milkshake for him. When we first moved here, due to the generous gift of some Meaningful Moms in California, I was armed with a Starbucks card that allowed me to escape to the familiar. I discovered how comforting it is to have something familiar when you are in transition--once upon it was a baby blanket (with a silky part), now it is a coffee shop. However, Louisiville boasts many independent coffee shops and now Starbucks is fading from the selection list. In fact, the search for a favorite coffee place was one of the things I started to do to enjoy this city more. I would go sit and read or just ponder while enjoying a latte. Not only does the atmosphere need to accommodate thinking, the lighting needs to be enjoyable, and the lattes (served in a mug, not a paper cup) worth returning to enjoy. It is an extra benefit if I can share the time with a friend. My son's criteria is different: The milkshake needs to be made with ice cream (novel concept, I know, but this is opposed to chemicals we cannot pronounce). It has to taste like a milkshake and cannot be too small. It must be smooth and creamy. Chocolate is his comparative flavor. The offer of whipped cream is a bonus. We are encountering more difficulty in locating real milkshakes than real coffee. I have discovered a favorite coffee shop long before I even tried all the options. Oops! Now what do I do? I will need to brave into other shops and consider it an adventure but all will be compared to Day's Espresso which consistently hits the mark. However, there may be someplace lurking out there that will delight my palate and senses. Yes, searching for a coffee place has helped me appreciate this city. I found myself looking for a little local flavor in Southern California but Starbucks and Paneras has taken over the state. Both are good and I have good memories of enjoying friendships in these chains but I was missing Day's or Quill's. So, how about you come enjoy some coffee with me at a new-to-me little, local coffee shop because nothing can take the place of my special friends and family from afar! And if coffee isn't your thing, we can find a milkshake. The Lesson: Learn to find something special and different about the place God has placed me.

Warning about Togetherness

Recently I was reflecting on our son's departure to the Army. I realized that I am experiencing what many people experience when they send their children to day care or kindergarten. I am missing our togetherness. This is something you have to be willing to face at some time in a child's life. Most people do it earlier, like when the kids are 6 0r 7. Because we have homeschooled through high school and have focused togetherness and the home as the center of the spinning wheel, I have years of full day (and sometimes, night) interaction with our children before they leave home as young adults. So, I am just posting this as a warning to those "together families", and because I have encouraged that togetherness, you have to be willing to face the transition of them leaving to pursue what God is calling them to pursue and know that their absence will impact your heart and life.

Marshall Protocol: VERY hard day

Two almost normal days (though I am not sure I remember what normal feels like). Sigh. I was feeling hopeful that I had tackled this dosage level of minocycline and could enjoy a few days reprieve before starting the next phase. Then Sunday hit. I actually had hints Saturday evening that some more bacteria were being targeted as I experienced some chest pain and shortness of breath, however these were mild. Sunday morning it required all my energy to say a word. I ended up writing a note to my husband to let him know that I felt awful and tried to describe it. I was in a tunnel. Any talking required effort to even form the words. I could plod through daily activities but interactive activities were extremely taxing--and the day was full of just such activities. But I went to church, said little, and sang and clung to God. Or rather, He clung to me. We had a meeting in the afternoon: I listened and managed to let people know my name. We took some Nepalese refugees to the airport and some others to evening service. Finally, the tunnel darkness lifted and I could interact with others. Prior to evening service, my husband asked if I needed to stay home. This is something that is a challenge for me (and I think others who have followed the MP) is that you do not know if an activity will help get you through or if you are taxing yourself by doing that very activity--honestly, I do not think staying home to rest would have helped so I went to evening service. Our doctor stresses the importance of continue daily living while on the protocol. I need to keep seeking God's wisdom for the daily decisions of balancing light exposure, work/rest, interaction/quiet, etc. . . so that my body can heal but I am doing just what He calls me to do.

The Road Most Traveled

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference" from "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost In Louisville, Kentucky, it is not the road less traveled that made a difference but the ones that have been traveled the most. For example, there is Lexington Road which can take you all the way to Lexington, and Bardstown Road which meanders till it reaches Bardstown. Of course, Shelbyville Road stretches across the state till it encounters Shelbyville. I bet you are catching on with these road names, aren't you? What is rather intriguing, I am told by the true Louisvillians, is that once you reach any of these cities, the very road you are on becomes "The Louisville Road". (Pronounce that L'Ville, please). I find this rather quaint and a bit odd since we moved from Southern California where the transportation department makes the decision where to put the road and what to call it. A few remnants of Californian heritage lingers on the road signs but not much. Here, the heritage had its start long before railroads and automobiles paved the roads. All of these roads started off as being less traveled and developed their well-worn paths through countless travelers just going from one farm to the next. In fact, many of the changing directions of the road were to go around this farm or that barn or some natural landmark and ended up creating an interesting pattern and much confusion to transplants especially when each road also had its companion "Way", "Avenue", or "Court". It required an investment into a Tom-Tom for my sanity and to save on gasoline expenses (the city Lexington is over an hour's drive from Lexington Road in Louisville). My husband's driving adventures are affectionately known as "Daddy Shortcuts" and rarely are shorter. All of these roads started out "less traveled". Then another person followed and another till it was the very easiest way to go--because there were less obstacles or it was a surer path or a diner sprung up for the hungry teenage boys. Yes, Kentucky does boast some freeways but these other roads are still well-traveled. The city government has tried to relieve this problem with an intricate system of lights and parking restrictions while maintaining the small town feel. The roads struggle to contain the cars that frequent their paths and drivers take many liberties in interpreting road signs and double yellow lines (aka--congestion and too many accidents!). I am not proposing that bulldozing homes is a better option than installing complex stoplight systems to deal with new traffic patterns. But I am reflecting upon the difficulty of traveling a well-worn path that has become clogged with many other travelers. It served its purpose once upon a time but the other demands are now making the travel less effective and a distraction to the purpose, at least for me. Rather than be frustrated with the roads, I think I shall reflect upon how God takes each family down the path that is right for that family. Our road is not going to look identical to your road. However, I clog up my path and detour around the wrong landmarks or I make complex adjustments to problems or I ignore the laws to get past a hardship. Two other dangers lie before me: Traveling the Most Traveled Road because everyone is using it and it is easier to move along or Driving the Least Traveled Road no purpose except to explore it and to be different. God clears out my path to draw me to Himself. Most of all, Jesus meets me on the road and shows me how to walk, run and drive safely to the Father.

Marshall Protocol: Doctor Visit and Direction

Today I saw my wonderful doctor (I do not use that adjective frequently when referring to medical personnel). He is encouraged by my progress and says that after I stabilize with this most recent dosage level of minocycoline, I can move into Phase 2 of the Marshall Protocol. This phase will add another antibiotic because the bacteria are tricky guys and need several approaches. Sounds like children, huh? This second antibiotic will work more on the neurological aspects of my disease. I am not sure how I exactly feel about that because it means that when the antibiotic kills the bacteria, they will release toxins that will directly impact my thinking. Ultimately this is good but . . . who asks to face trials? If God told me that trials are necessary (which He does) and He asked me what trial would I choose for myself to endure for my sanctification and His glory, what would my answer be? Honestly, I cannot think of one single trial I would choose. So I must trust Him in choosing them for me. Today, I read Ps. 52 and reflected on Gods desires take I when face enemies: Make God my refuge, fear God, trust God, give thanks, wait. Yes, the same actions need to be in my life when I face trials of any type. On more mundane notes, after I had the required bloodwork, I deviated from the Marshall Protocol diet with some Artisan Bread from Blue Dog Cafe and Bakery. It was actually pretty safe food as they do not enrich their flour nor use eggs, but the flour was quite white and the bread was delicious. Back to the MP diet in the morning. I tried making some chocolate chip cookies with an unsweetened chocolate bar, no sugar, and whole wheat pastry flour. I am going to have to try again.

The First Day

Today is the first day that Josiah, our 19 year old son, is gone for the whole day without having ability to contact him. He is officially in Army Boot Camp and we are facing another transition. I am proud of him, I miss him, and I am glad that he is secure in his relationship with the Lord. Yesterday, we spent time reading a chapter book aloud, going to Martial Arts class together, playing a family game of "Sorry", watching most of "Hook", and eating homemade pizza. I also tortured the family with requiring a photo shoot, but they all lived through it. Gratitude points:

• I will hear from Josiah by the week's end where I can send letters.

• A phone call from a friend who was feeling for me during this transition.

• Thanks to all those who sent cards to encourage Josiah.

• Time together.

• Praying together for strength and courage for Josiah.

• Phone conversations with his siblings (and niece) living in other states.

• Josiah's excitement in going into the military.

• Friends that have supported our son.

• GOD IS WITH HIM WHEREVER HE GOES!

Marshall Protocol: Sleep

Since the developments of my chronic illness, my sleep has been disrupted by many things and I rarely feel rested. Since increasing my dosage of minocycoline (the antibiotic) to what is considered a therapeutic level on the Marshall Protocol (100mg every 48 hours), I had four nights that I slept through my alarm for my middle of the night dosage of Benicar (40mg every 6 hours). This is not good since my body needs the Benicar in regular increments to help my immune system deal with the killing of the bacteria action of the antibiotic. However, I must admit that I relished the undisturbed sleep and enjoyed the benefits of being a bit more rested in the morning. Yet, I know that I need the Benicar because my body was not happy in other ways. Overall, my sleep has been better since following the MP diet, limiting sun exposure, and beginning the medication protocol. To battle the alarm problem, I switched my phone alarm back to a normal setting instead of vibrate. It is more alarming to wake to this, but I do hear it. I have found my cell phone a good alarm device to help with remembering the medications. I have it with me most of the time and I can easily adjust the times if I need to reschedule a dose. Another reminder that many transitions impact our sleeping patterns--either in adjusting to them or recovering from them. I know this is true in my life from the times of great joy in giving birth to those times of sorrow in agonizing over a death. It is of great comfort to know that God gives us rest. He plans times of sleep. He desired our bodies to need and benefit from rest. He Himself rested, yet He never sleeps. He is ever vigilant and watches over me while I sleep (and while I am awake). I remember a man, when I inquired of how he slept in a hotel, said, "The Lord knows just what I need concerning sleep and that is what He provided. " Oh, Lord, give me a heart of gratitude that chooses to wake and say, "Thank You for the sleep I received from Your hand." "In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for Thou alone, O Lord, dost make me dwell in safety." Ps. 4:8

Transitions Take Time

Our next BIG transition is releasing Josiah to the Army: Boot Camp commences in 5 days. In preparation for this transition, we have taken care of some shopping, enrolling, recruiting, visiting, parties and get-togethers, writing, cleaning, paperwork, decisions, talking, playing and other activities. After Josiah leaves, we will face the reworking of chores, bedrooms, time, food consumption, interaction, correspondence, and one puppy feeling kind of lost. Transitions Take TIME. Time is a precious commodity. Though we all have different financial resources, we each only have 24 hours in a day to use. When transitions come our way, we have to allocate them time slots in our already busy and full days. This means that other things needs to be set aside or eliminated. I find this very hard because everything seems so vital. Previously I pondered that if we did everything that anyone (professional/nonprofessional/expert) said we should do in a day, it would add up to more than 24 hours. I think you know what I mean: have your devotions, minister to others, brush your teeth, share the gospel, exercise your body, get eight hours of sleep, spend quantity and quality time with your kids, have regular communication with your spouse, work eight hours a day (or more, depending on your job/boss), floss your teeth, have some time to yourself, keep a budget, communicate with your friends and family, write or call your congressman, sit down for a meal with your family (and do not eat while doing other tasks) . . . need I go on? Good things, yes? But it is obvious that such a thing is impossible to attain and I did not include some regular daily activities like preparing meals or doing laundry--and then you throw the additional time required for the transitional phases of life and you face something that is totally beyond your ability. Three Time Sanity checkpoints: 1. God is in control of my day. He knows and is sovereign over all the events of life. 2. Plans and routines are good tools but they are never to usurp God's plans, priorities and promptings. 3. My goal today is to honor and glorify God in whatever I do. "So teach us to number our days, that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom." Psalms 90:12

Will it help?

Recently I had the honor of helping a friend. Her brother-in-law was killed in Afghanistan, fighting to protect our freedom. http://icaskey.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/the-cost-of-freedom-actually-has-a-costfl/ When I first spoke to my friend, she did not really know what would be helpful so we decided I would just come over for companionship. By the time the hour arrived, it became apparent what needed to be done and I was able to help her complete some tasks while we talked. It was a blessing and I am so grateful she allowed me to serve her. Like I have written before, it is often difficult to put a finger on what will really help someone who is chronically ill. It is hard for the ill person to identify it (usually because their thinking is fuzzy or because EVERYTHING is overwhelming) and it is hard for a friend or family member to know what to do. But this is also true in many areas of life's transitions: death, car accidents, house repairs, births, celebrations, etc . . . However, I wonder if the answer does not come until you just come? This seems to be a pattern in how God works: The sea divides when the Israelites step into it; The words are given when Peter steps up to speak; The widow's needs are met when she pours out her last oil. May I be transformed in my thinking and actions to just go when I am prompted and see what God opens up along the way. Why do I think I have to know His purpose and His plan to be obedient to His promptings? (smile). Our God is so mysterious and wondrous. His ways are truly above my ways. This same friend told me once, when her own husband was overseas serving our country, and she was nine months pregnant, a friend said, "I will either come to watch your kids or come to clean your toilets. I am going to come, you just have to decide what to have me do." This is service, this is friendship, this is modeling Christ. Christ served those who loved Him and those who hated Him. He did not wait for us to come to Him or even ask Him to come, but He pursued, served, and died for us. His purpose was to glorify the Father and to be obedient to the Father's will. Oh, Lord, grant me the steadfastness to follow this precious example of my Lord. May my hands and heart be ready to move at Your prompting.

Transitions and Clouds

Today, the sky is a brilliant blue backdrop for huge, billowy, silken clouds. For most of you this would not be worth commenting on at all, or maybe even noticing. However, for most of the past 12 years we did not have such sights of wonder. We lived in the plains of Montana ("rain" measured in hundredths of an inch) or in Southern California (clouds came in varieties of a gray blanket). However, I grew up in the Pacific Northwest and clouds were just like the ones I am experiencing today: Rich in shapes and drifting across the skies, inviting wonder and gazing at their majesty. The wonder of this vision causes me to consider IF it was my upbringing that makes me delight in these puffs of moisture or IF because our family lived in areas without them for so long or maybe it is a combination? For it is very likely that IF I had never seen these clouds, I would have never missed them. And if I always saw them I would take them for granted. Transitions do heighten my awareness and gratitude of certain things. When our grandson died, I noticed other little boys much more and delighted in their presence. Having children leave for college, to make their own homes, or to join the military, brings a certain sweetness to the memories and the phone calls and the times we enjoy together. Through God bringing these transitions into our lives we are more aware of other needs, our gratitude is strengthened and we long for our eternal home--where we will really feel at home and will see the familiar and new things that are beyond our imagination.

Grocery Stores

Who would have thought that grocery stores would have been one of my largest adjustments in our move to Louisville, Kentucky? Certainly not me. I should have been more concerned when my sister-in-law warned me that I would not find as fresh produce in Kentucky as I did in California. I thought certainly, with advanced trucking policies, this would not be an issue.She was right but the lack of fresh produce is a story for another blog entry. Well, we have lived here for two years now and I am having to decide, strictly out of necessity and sanity, to be content with such things as I have. Of course, contentment would please God and glorifying Him should be my top priority, but it is not always. Discontentment has caused me to check out all the stores in the area and to run around to many stores to get what I prefer at each. It has been hard on time and budget. And for someone who REALLY does NOT like to shop, it is frustrating. Instead of being grateful for a season of having a grocery store in California that I found everything I wanted, had great sales, good quality, helpful staff, and always plenty of cashiers--I became discontent with what Louisville offered. The apostle Paul encourages us to learn to be content. As much as I would like to say I have learned this, it is not true, as my grocery store scenario demonstrates. Therefore, along with my coupons, wallet, and shopping list, I will will plaster thanksgiving in front of my eyes when I shop and I will walk in trust that, though this store is not ideal, My Father is perfect and He will provide everything that I need. Of course, God prepared me to face this sin in that two friends, independent of each other, suggested that I read "Growing in Gratitude" by Nancy Leigh Demoss. He also reminded me of this blog as another friend shared with me how she is grateful in a difficult circumstance! God is so gracious in teaching me.