Something I miss

When you have children in your home and choose to have them around a lot (24/7 for homeschool moms and those with young children), there is always a time to share about Who God is and what He has done. There is constant speaking into their lives and hearing their precious thoughts about God and His Word. There are the times of correction: To hold our children accountable for their actions according to God's standard.

I miss this-- but did not realize how much or why I missed it until I was speaking with a mom in this very situation.

It may be very selfish, but I miss it because it spoke so loudly into my life. When I talked with my children about God; when we memorized scripture together; related a school lesson to one of Jesus' parables; sang a favorite song together; corrected with the authority of God's Word--God spoke to me. These very conversations were transforming me. I needed to hear the truth so much throughout the day, God gave me little ones to speak the Truth to.

With an almost empty house, I can talk aloud but it just is not the same as instructing, correcting, and encouraging someone and discovering that you are in greater need of the instruction, correction and encouragement.

So, a consideration for moms--next time you converse about God and His Truth with your children listen for how God speaking to you.

For the rest of us, how do we get this same sort of constant input? I bet God has some answers.

Surprised by Math

One transition I did not expect was a change of heart towards math. My  head spins at numbers. Maybe this is why I do not care to shop or work on our budget or pay bills? I did diligently endure our mathematics lessons in our homeschooling but it was only a high priority because I knew it was important and marveled at those who found math intriguing.  Honestly, though, I always thought math was missing something important but had no clue as to what that was.

Then a friend put this little book into my hands: Beyond Numbers--A Practical Guide to Teaching Math Biblically by Katherine Loop. The author builds the case against our spiritually neutral view towards math and how we, as believers, need to use math to understand God more deeply, worship Him more thoroughly, and honor Him through service. In essence, we can use and teach math in a way that fulfills the chief purpose of man,"to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."

I love that the Miss Loop addresses the problems with just adding a Scripture verse  or the dangers of inserting "spiritual" parallels to a curriculum to make it "Christian". She instead goes to the foundation of teaching math biblically: our focus, our presentation, and our application. God's very character is displayed by math concepts and applications because it is His creation and this is how it needs to be taught.

So, if you are like me and avoid math, read this book to bring a glimmer of hope and purpose. If you delight in numbers, this book will bring a new depth to that delight. If you are teaching anyone math or thinking math is neutral, you have to read this book to protect the hearts and minds of yourself and those you love.

http://www.christianperspective.net/math.html

Food Transitions: Do "Real Men" like Tea Time?

Please do not read or comment on this if you are a huge Victorian Age/Jane Austin/Pride and Prejudice fan. You will argue with me all the way and then subject everyone to a tea time.

I am writing this in defense of our young men. I am also writing this to plead with moms who have become convinced that a weekly "tea party" with their children is a way to build a relationship with them due to a growing trend of this from the well-meaning "things were better in the Classical Times" group. Most moms love tea time because, well, they are females and God made them that way.

Though I would agree there are exceptions, I would contend that most men would prefer NOT to take part in a proper tea time.  A proper tea time is filled with proper etiquette, poem reading, sharing quiet conversation, and sitting properly. I think to subject young men to this is to tame them in a way that is contrary to their God-given traits and they will have to fight those traits to comply with the regulations surrounding this proper tea. This is NOT conducive to building relationships.

Yes, I do believe young men need manners but not straight jackets. They will volunteer to join a proper tea time when they are wooing that special girl and I promise you that they will do all that is needed to prove they have proper manners.

So, instead, do relationship building with food that fits their nature. We studied donuts, ice cream and pizza for some unit studies--and of course, that included lots of taste-testing. Following studies that allowed it, we found restaurants that served appropriately ethnic foods. Our conversation was centered around a list of general questions about our learning time, spiritual lives, home life, community life. It was a group effort to initiate and listen and participate. This list provided a framework so we didn't just delve into favorite boy discussions like world domination. One time we completed a study on The Cuban Missile Crisis and went to a Cuban restaurant. We are finishing a study on Ancient Japanese History and will go to an ethnic dining place.

Something not as elaborate is time for a milkshake, ice cream sundaes, pizza, hot chocolate, etc . . .  Or the setting can be changed. Regular mealtimes focus on nourishment.  This time the conversation is more structured and focuses on the child/parent interaction. However,, food is very important to most boys so even by food selection, we are saying I am focusing on you and want to create an atmosphere that is good for you.

Now, the problem becomes if you want to spend time with all your children and they have different preferences/needs/traits. My daughter would have definitely gone for tea with the fine china! So, what do you do?  You alternate activities between the different needs. For my daughter that would have meant that she would deal with (gracefully) doing this time in a more boy-friendly way 4 times before she got her special proper tea time. But she enjoyed their events as well. And now one of my sons is a connoisseur of tea (no help from me on this!).

Joyce Herzog said that sometimes schools are not friendly to how God has made boys; in fact they stunt their growth towards becoming the leaders and doers God intended. I have also observed that many young boys choose not to become readers because all their "required reading" is something females (Moms/Teachers) have liked them.

Special times with special foods can transition our lives and conversations from a busy time to a focus on those special people. God is preparing a banquet to share with us in heaven. I think it will be just what delights us. I would like to do the same for my children--and you, when you come to visit. Any requests?

MP: Insurance vs. Assurance

Recently I was notified by my medical insurance company that they will no longer underwrite Benicar, a necessary component of the Marshall Protocol, for their customers. This will substantially increase my medical costs in continuing this protocol. In order to prove this is the ONLY drug that will work, we would have to show documentation of trying all their other "drugs of choice"--none of which provide the necessary cellular action to heal my body.

This situation has made me ponder the difference between Insurance and Assurance.We will examine the roots of these words--

Insure--provide or obtain coverage by contract on or against a loss; to make certain by taking necessary measures and precaution

Assure--to make safe; to give confidence to; to make sure or certain; convince; inform positively; to make certain the coming or attainment of

Insurance is based on rules. The medical insurance company made a contract with us that included the coverage of Benicar. Yet, they decided to change that contract to protect their financial loss on this very drug without regard for my loss. To insure is a business arrangement. Good thing to remember when jumping through their endless hoops and being on the receiving end of their limited-knowledge decisions.

Assurance is based on a relationship. These are the very terms that apply to my doctor as he walks me through the MP. He cannot assure the results but he provides knowledge that encourages me to continue and a way to do so safely. This also applies to others who have walked this path before me. None of us is guaranteed a certain outcome but we can encourage one another to take the next step.

I am challenged to consider if, in my roles (mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister), is it my desire to act with insurance (rules; contracts) or with assurance (safe, confident, encouraging relationships)? The rules are so easy to check off and one party can change the rules to their benefit! So enticing.

Yet, as I ponder Insurance vs Assurance I must consider my example:

The One True God Who Provides--

Assurance of Hope--Hebrews 6:11

Assurance to Draw Near to God--Hebrews 10:22

Assurance of Things Hoped For--Hebrews 11:1

Oh, the very things I want from the insurance company are simply a foretaste for what God promises, and He is the Only One can provide it. And His promises are sure.

So next time I have to pay more for Benicar or fill out the multitude of forms for the insurance company or face another hurdle, I pray I will rest in God's assurances. And if I don't, you have my permission to remind me to do so! Better yet, just start reading God's promises to me :) I am less likely to disagree!

Which "I" will win?

It was one of those times that I do not care to repeat: My husband experienced a very harsh reaction to an antibiotic which laid him out for 48 hours; Being overcharged at the doctor's office and facing the billing department soon; the dog was diagnosed with a double ligament tear in her knee requiring 3 or more months of rest; the internet went down just before I had to go to appointments and leave my son to do his internet based schoolwork; the carpet cleaners promised me they would arrive by 9am. I had to cancel that service when they still had not showed and I had to leave for an appointment; I had four errands I needed to complete on top of the additional, unexpected needs; My hope for the day was to spend the afternoon quietly completing some paperwork/cyberwork. That did not happen and will need attention another day.

Can you relate? In the midst of this day God reminded me of a simple statement that has helped me through those times. I play it in a cadence in my head to help sort out my feelings:

Is this _______(circumstance)_____________

an Inconvenience

an Interruption

an Irritation

or really IMPORTANT

I admit that I still struggle and certainly want to be " I " focused. When I had little ones around our home, this cadence was essential! Today has been filled with doubt, but if I truly evaluate the stuff of life, I realize that the really IMPORTANT needs to set my tempo/attitude--NOT the inconvenient, interruptions, or the irritations.

Transformation is Beyond Us

God reminded me that He does the work of transformation.

During a 36 hour pass to visit with one of our sons-- between 9 weeks of Basic Training (Army Boot Camp) and 5 weeks of AIT (Advanced Infantry Tactics/Training)-- God gave me a glimpse that He continues to fill in the foundation of our parenting with His special direction unique to each child.

This was a very sweet time of interacting and watching our son's behavior, speech, and spirit reflect more of the kingdom purposes and some of those lessons we wanted instilled in him refined, developed, and solidified.

As much as we would like all of these things done before they leave home, that is not necessarily God's plan. Though we have a responsibility to shape, encourage, exhort, discipline and teach our children, the transformation of our children's hearts and lives is beyond our capabilities. 

So, I am encouraging you younger parents to set your expectations to the higher calling but remember that God does the transforming and will often use situations beyond you to refine your children. It is not all up to you! God is amazing. Be in awe of what He can do with a lump of clay.

Mommy Tool: Giving to transients

We often see people who have been caught in transitions; not sure if they can get out or maybe they want to remain stuck right in their present state. We call these people "transients".

Knowing that Christ loves the least of these and demonstrates His lovingkindness to all who are in need, I wanted to follow His example. Mostly these people ask for money but my husband and I agreed that was not being a good steward usually. Another person makes a bunch of sandwiches and carries them to the streets. But I wanted something I where I could respond as I walked along the way and in which my children could see that we reach out to everyone.

So, we keep bottles of water and granola bars in our car for the purpose of giving them away with some kind words. Now, instead of replying "no" to a request for money, I can hand them something that might benefit them in this time of transition.

Simple, easy, and infinitely better than what I used to do which was walking by them with my eyes avoiding theirs. God is reminding me that we are all in some sort of transition in this life.

Cicadas and Sin

I do not think I will get used to the sound of cicadas. They are a new creature to me since moving to Kentucky. We went on a family outing to a forest and our children begged to leave because their minds were being confused by the irritating noises. Being the homeschool mom I am, I made them research the annoying critters but one child asked if they could keep it brief because even the thought of them irritates his brain.

What we discovered later is that the cicadas like any wooded area and they found our backyard. Now their constant buzzing is disrupts the pleasantness of being in our own yard for most of the summer. We have come to pronounce them, in our family as Sick-a-duz (sick of those).

These nasty critters do serve a useful purpose, however, because you can use them an illustration of how sibling bickering sounds to parent's ears.

I wonder if this is what my sin sounds like to my loving and holy God? Is my sin a constant buzzing in His ears? Is my sin like the screech of crunching metal? If my praise is a sweet sound to Him, then certainly when I sin, it must be one an annoying noise that begs Him to move away from me so He does not need to hear it anymore.

As the nights turn colder, the cicadas begin to die. Our backyard is peaceful.

I should have had to die so that God no longer hears the annoying buzz of my sin. Instead, Jesus died. Now there is peace with God. Thank You, God.  But when those sins creep back into my heart, I must die to myself, confess my sin and He is faithful and just to forgive me of those sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness (annoying noises!). Thus, I can have peace with God. "Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 5:1

Mommy Tool: Remembering

God's timing is such a blessing: Just when I am dealing with mental fog, he puts a memorization technique unit before us for academic learning (as well as many applications in real life).

But this has jogged my memory of threelittle tools I used to help my children remember the instruction I gave them. Maybe you will find them helpful as well.

1. Give them four things to do and have them use their fingers (on one hand) to go over each of the things and the fifth finger is for a hug from Mom so they can report they did the other things. You may have to start with only two instructions for younger children and build it from there. Remember, the hug and success is the goal! This technique is especially helpful for regular lists like what to do after they get up in the morning: finger 1: Change clothes; finger 2: put away pajamas; finger 3: brush teeth; finger 4: feed dog; finger 5/thumb: Hug Mom!

2. Give an instruction and link it to a silly word. "After you finish your board game, please go pick up the toys in the yard. Pumpernickel!" The child then has to repeat the silly word, after he says, "Yes, Mom," of course! Then when he claims those were not the instructions or he never heard you say that (it does happen :), you can gently remind him of the silly word. I usually just start to say it and they can finish it. Or sometimes I will just tell them that a silly word was attached to the instruction--and they will remember the word, and then the instructions. Ouch! Do not rush to give them the whole word because if they have to say it, they are accepting more responsibility and building their memory. This is also a very helpful technique for those children who struggle to wake in the morning and claim you never woke them up! I make them repeat a silly word before I leave their room and they do indeed remember the word when I remind them of it.

3. Finally, relating the known task/assignment from a known thing to an unknown is a very helpful tool. I just found out that orators of old (when written language was not as common as it is now), remembered the flow of their stories by associating it with things within a common building (as their houses). This technique has been especially helpful in our academic studies: "How is multiplication like addition" for example (answer--multiplication is rapid addition and you show this with examples, of course). I love how Joyce Herzog uses this technique in the Scaredy Cat Reading System: Vowels are scared and brave and when they are scared they make scared sounds. When they are brave, they can say their names. Now what child has problems understanding "brave" and "scared". Now they just need to learn what is scaring those vowels!

As you practice these skills, you will find yourself making new applications all the time--even to your own work around the house. Don't forget the hug when you finish your four things.

Tools for Moms

Our homeschooling resumes next week. Only one child left at home. Very strange transition. We don't really like it. But, as I am contemplating this reduction in class-size, I am also remembering the tricky parts of having many young children at home. There were times I wanted the "Take a Number" system as you see at some delis and Department of Motor Vehicles. We discovered that young children (and some adults) need to learn the correct transition to interrupt a conversation or activity. The most helpful tool was having the child gently place their hand on our arms to indicate that they wanted/needed our attention or wanted to participate in the discussion. We practiced it at home before taking it public, and it worked extremely well. I do want to warn moms that you have to be very specific with some children to place their hand, not lean or tap their hand, to get the attention! Some people are just more insistent and it can be a distraction. The parent also makes a commitment that she will close the conversation and give the child attention as soon as is reasonable. Now, in our time of training and educating, I discovered this polite interruption technique is also very helpful. For us, it took place most often during our educational hours, but we also used it doing our together work times because I might be in the middle of reading a recipe or helping another child learn a task. We also took it one step further. We placed "Mommy-Pass" cards in a pocket on our wall. Each child had at least one card with his/her name written on it (non-readers had their name plus a symbol). When I was working with someone else and another child wanted my attention, they would remove their card from the pocket and place it next to me. They were then to proceed with another activity until I was able to meet them. Thus, they continued After I met with them, I placed the card backwards in the pocket so we knew it had been used. This was wonderful! There were so many moments when a child was on the brink of that educational breakthrough and I could finish working with them without interruption. It made for a more pleasant school time for all of us. One other benefit we discovered was that children began to work out more of the problems on their own. As our children matured, they had less "Mommy Pass" cards available to them. Then as they approached me with their card, I could also most see them thinking, "Is this really worth a Mommy Pass card? Oh, now I remember how to do that exercise," or "I had a similar problem before; I will look at that," or "I will try doing that chore on my own again." They were excited and I was excited that they discovered different pathways to come up with an answer. Another reminder that transitions can be formulas for learning.

Warning about Togetherness

Recently I was reflecting on our son's departure to the Army. I realized that I am experiencing what many people experience when they send their children to day care or kindergarten. I am missing our togetherness. This is something you have to be willing to face at some time in a child's life. Most people do it earlier, like when the kids are 6 0r 7. Because we have homeschooled through high school and have focused togetherness and the home as the center of the spinning wheel, I have years of full day (and sometimes, night) interaction with our children before they leave home as young adults. So, I am just posting this as a warning to those "together families", and because I have encouraged that togetherness, you have to be willing to face the transition of them leaving to pursue what God is calling them to pursue and know that their absence will impact your heart and life.

God's Simple Preparations, Part 3

After another teary day of school frustration, we went before the Lord, asking for His wisdom in how we could redeem this school time and make it work better next year. It has been of utmost importance that academics do not destroy our relationships with our children. Our school year has also been one of transitions: only student left in our school; my health issues; curriculum choices and direction; expectations for a bright student who would rather not work hard; tried a homeschool co-op; death of a grandparent resulting in multiple out-of-start trips, required house remodeling due to some major repairs. After our realization that we could not continue on the present course for our next school year and spending time in prayer, a plan came to mind. Hesitant to call it "from the Lord", I asked Jonathan what he would think about having his eldest brother write course descriptions for Jonathan's schoolwork. Peter and Jonathan think a lot alike. Jonathan respects Peter. Peter has excelled academically. Not only would Peter write the descriptions, Jonathan would need to get Peter's approval to make changes, thus, though I would be involved, I would have an advocate in trying to educate an out-of-the-box thinker. "Yes", Jonathan replied to the idea. So, I contacted Peter and hesitantly broached the subject. As soon as he realized what I was asking, he said, "Mom, I have been thinking about doing this very thing and was wondering how to start." Not that I should be surprised that God prepared Peter's heart and mind but I was. Thank You, Lord for the ways You prepare a path before us and direct us to that path.

God's Simple Preparations, Part 2

Over a year ago I met a woman who was going through some very difficult times physically and had a genetic condition that her children also had. Through this, she had become an expert on the best people in the nation to deal with these conditions. She gave me her name and phone number (scratched on a piece of paper, long since discarded). Last month a friend mentioned the results of her daughter's MRI following a series of scary symptoms. God brought to mind the conversation I had the year before and the NAME of the woman who had shared about this very same condition. To understand the gravity of this recall, you must know that my chronic illness causes me to forget very easily such details, but God had grafted this name on my mind for such a time. My friend was able to contact her and they had a very long discussion and, through this contact, they received information to help alleviate some of the symptoms and a direction for resolution. To God be the glory for placing us in position to help one another through "chance" encounters and giving us recall when it is needed. Truly, He prepares the way before us.

Deadlines

Since I completed my first official week on the Marshall Protocol, I have been musing over the fact that we like DEADLINES. I don't know if this is an American trait but we like endings for events, school, jobs, church services, and medical procedures. I wanted to find a count-up gadget for this blog to record how long I have been on the Marshall Protocol, but I could only find count-downs. We like to count-down to the END of school, END of a difficult task, END of waiting for a special event or holiday. Yet, in Scripture, I find God often does not give DEADLINES or count-downs. We have no idea when a friend will come to Christ, when Christ will return, when the rapture will happen, or how long we will wander in a desert. Job did not know how long his suffering would last; Joseph did not know how long it would be until he was reunited with his brothers; Abraham did not know when God would provide a son--though it was promised. So, as I continue on this path of hopeful healing, I am needing to be content right where God has me at this moment. Though I cannot know the END, I do know He is with me and guiding me during these moments. I am reminded that He is faithful in all of His promises. Though we have wonderful plans for our children's lives (character, spiritual, physical, and mental goals), my husband often reminds me that what is important is progress otherwise our children would never graduate from our homeschool :). Did you know that in bygone eras, children completed a grade level when they had mastered the required material regardless of how long or short it took him? What an interesting concept! A friend recently told me how refreshed he felt just because he did not have a looming academic DEADLINE over his head. Yes, it is refreshing not to be staring at the calendar wondering how to fit it all in and do your best as the due date creeps towards you. My doctor tells me that this protocol may take anywhere from 3-5 years (everyone is different) to be successful. No promises, but to be encouraged if there is progress. I appreciate his honesty. It allows me to focus on what I need to be doing to help the process along and it helps me be steadfast. A friend has steadfastly persevered in physical therapy with many set backs but she sees slow progress and this is what she needs to keep going (besides the encouragement from her husband, friends, and therapists). Another person I know worked with her disabled child to learn to read. Though tempted to give-up, she continued looking for progress in little increments, several years later, the child has to be told put down the book while he is walking. Again, I am encouraged by the examples in Scripture: Some of the disciples got it right away and others were a little slow in applying the truth. God used the reluctant prophets as well as those who readily responded. God hounds the fleeing sinner and He embraces those who respond right away to the gospel. God is sanctifying me at the rate that is right for me--and the only DEADLINE I face is when I fall before His Throne. May my progress along the way be one that glorifies Him. So, if you are like me and facing a situation that you don't know if it will end or when it will end, I encourage you to be faithful today in what the Lord has placed before you. "He Who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." Phil. 1:6 And, by the way, if you happen to know a good count-up gadget for blogs, would you please let me know? Good novel reading to reflect on the true one deadline we all will face--Deadline by Randy Alcorn Good resource if you want to focus on what your child needs to know instead of the end of textbook or school calendar-- Luke's Lists by Joyce Herzog

Embarrassment

Yesterday one of the results of my fatigue was exposed. For the length of our parenting, I almost daily inspected our children's rooms to make sure they were not harboring unique science experiments or nuclear devices--and that you could walk into the room without feeling you were in a Boot Camp obstacle course. Though I do not have perfectionist standards about bedroom tidiness, I did want the rooms pick-upped and the beds made. I think this is especially helpful to those who homeschool and also to my children's future spouses. However, since fatigue is my almost constant companion these past 18 months, my inspections are less frequent, especially since getting our master-bed straightened has not been a high priority. So leads to my point of embarrassment yesterday. Four men from church were helping us move out of our basement because of some upcoming construction/repair work. They tackled one of our son's rooms and discovered many corners where items had been stuffed. These corners reminded me of Mary Poppin's carpet bag that kept producing things. Unfortunately, we did not have Mary Poppin's snapping capabilities. The men were good humored about the situation, but I was embarrassed. Since then, God has been reminding me very gently that He is not done with any of us, yet. Each of us are learning. My husband is very good at reminding me that though we try to be very proactive in our children's lives, there are many things others will teach them in the future. We do not need to do it all. Then I remembered some of our older children who applied our cleaning standards to their own homes--once they set up their own homes. I still chuckle when they correct one of their siblings a piece of clothing they left out. Mostly, I am reminded that God does not ignore the garbage in my life. He knows where I tuck it and He will expose it at just the right time. This year one of the ways I committed myself to know God better and enjoy Him forever is to be more diligent of asking God to expose my sin to me and that I would be quick to confess it. Somehow, in comparison, the mess in my son's closet does not look quite so bad or embarrassing. (But he still has to clean it up!) Please Lord, forgive me for being embarrassed over something temporal when I have failed to be embarrassed over something that damages my relationship with you. Thanks for exposing my garbage and covering it with Your grace. Amen.