The Nutritional Plan report

As most of you know, Trevor and I diligently follow the Esselystyn Plant-Based, No-Added-Oils Nutritional Plan for about the last year (but who's counting?). It has been good in some respects. Trevor has lost 35 pounds, lots of numbers on the lipid reports, and amount of medication. I think it helped me stabilize with some of my symptoms. As one chronically fatigue patient said, "My lows are not so low." However my lipids are still crazy.

Trevor commented as we enjoyed a plant-based meal, even with mushrooms, "Would you have  thought I would stay on this diet for over a year and plan to continue it for life?" My answer "NO"! The longest I remember Trevor being on a different eating plan is nine months and none of them made a lifetime change. Not only are we enjoying the foods, we see the benefits regularly and are hopeful that they will have a lifetime of changes preventing many of the chronic, life-style-induced illnesses that plague our society and break our hearts.

The only issue is I am relearning recipes and cooking methods. This requires time and energy that are already in depleted supply but I look forward to the time when it is all second-nature. Oh, one other difficulty is people's response of can we get together for a meal but "what will you eat?" Hey, let's get together and not worry about the food! :)

Dr. Esselstyn's book and plan

http://www.heartattackproof.com/

Healing Lyme by Stephen Buhner

I am following the protocol in Healing Lyme by Stephen Buhner. I do not really know if I have Lyme Disease but my symptoms are similar to Lyme's and I was bit by a tick about 6 weeks before the onset of those symptoms.

Healing Lyme

This is an herbal protocol of a mixture of different herbs. I was pleased with the understanding of bacteriology in the book, the studies that have been done with these herbs, the author does not sell the herbs (conflict of interest), and Mr Buhner presents the reasons behind his herbal selection.

I started on this about 4 months after I discontinued the Marshall Protocol. My physician-recommended nutritional plan was not enough. I knew I was not getting better. Thankfully I was not getting worse.

As typical, I have to add the herbs very gradually. It took me about 3 months to work up to one-third of the lowest minimal dosage on the herbs--and then I had to back-off because of increased lightheadedness. This is not atypical but it can be frustrating.

I miss a support system for this protocol. My doctor is encouraging me to do what I think I need to do and he even took a copy of the book. The web support system is kind of disjointed and the master herbalist who authored this book is no longer practicing.

One recent victory is that I was able to hike to a beautiful waterfall in New Hampshire. It is great to have little bright moments. Trevor and I both agree that I could not have accomplished that 4 months ago.

Four Years and Counting

A dear friend and I decided to share scripture first when we spoke over the miles yesterday. This sharing then seeped into the rest of our conversation. She shared some experiences in her first dealings with chronic pain and I realized that my illness has now reached its fourth year. We both said that on the onset of our symptoms we had no inklint that we would be dealing with them so many years later; hers twice as long as mine. God grace has enriched this friendship through those similar experiences.

Some measure of peace and comfort entered our realizations as we spoke of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10,

My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.

Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with ____________________________ (fill in the affliction/difficulty) 

for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Oh, God's economy is so different than mine: Weakness = Strength?

It is hard to wrap my lightheaded, fuzzy brain around let alone my stubborn, limp heart, but it is true. He is true.

Wonder how He is counting the length of my illness? Does God's economy look more like Colossians 1:9-12? Oh, I hope that it does because then my chronic fatigue would be God's tool to achieve those things that I long for but ever seem out of my grasp:

knowledge of His will, God-worthy walking, 

pleasing Him, bearing fruit, increasing knowledge of God, 

strengthened with all power, steadfastness, 

joyously giving thanks to the Father. 

I think I will leave the counting up to the Father.

The Impact of Little Words

Once our remodeling was done, almost four years ago, I added this verse to our entry room wall. It is visible from the street and the front patio. It is also the first wall you encounter when you step through the door. Needless to say, its purpose was to constantly remind me and others where our trust must be. 


However, as with other familiar sites, it became less noticeable over time. Well, that is until the Lord saw fit to have me glance up from watering the patio plants and the only word I saw was "all". 


Such a little word but it exposed exactly what God was doing in my heart. He had uncovered an area that I did not want Him to touch. I wanted to hold onto it and hide it from Him (ha, ha!). 

I was caught! "all" means "all". I knew it; He knew it. He knew only a portion of my heart (however large) was not enough--for Him or me. 

My first response was chiding myself for putting that verse right there. Silly me--if I had NOT put that verse up on the wall, He would have found another way to expose my hiding place. God is like that. He is trustworthy . . . yes, even with all of my heart. 

Homeland

My sister is moving back to Oregon. I am thrilled for her but I am also jealous. My husband says you can take the girl out of Oregon but never Oregon out of the girl. My ears perk up whenever Oregon is in the news, I tend to favor products produced in Oregon, there is an immediate connection with anyone who spent any length of time in that general area and I informed our landscaper that I was not interested in Kentucky versions of "evergreens"--I grew up in the Pacific Northwest!

Not everyone shares this phenomenon of loving their home region, but my parents did. My mother claimed that nothing cleaned as well as the German soap; nothing healed as well as the German ointment; and nothing tasted as good as the German chocolate (that last point may have been correct, though Oregon berries are in close competition).

My siblings and I still chuckle over the trips to the foreign place of  my father's homeland. As soon as we crossed the defining border of Snake River and a sign welcomed us to Idaho, my dad would start in: The air was fresher, the sky bluer, the ground greener (this is strictly a matter of the definition of green), the roads better, the people kinder, and we usually then heard him break into "Home, Home on the Range".

As much as I love Oregon, God reminded me that even this beautiful state was not my home. My true home is in heaven with Him. He is my Creator. All that I am comes from Him. In Him I move and have my being. He is Home and He is preparing a home for me. His homeland is my true origin and destination. The products from there are sweeter and better able to do what they are supposed to do. The environment is purer and more vibrant. The immediate connections I have with believers on earth (including my friends in S. California) are because of our mutual homeland. Every good and perfect gift is from the Father above and it is all sweeter because it comes from my true homeland.

How is my health?

The answer to the question, "How is my health?" is a tricky one. I cannot figure out what triggers extreme fatigue or inner shakiness or brain fog or numbness, nor what really relieves them. I cannot anticipate when the episodes come let alone when they will be bad. If I have to I push through them. If I can, I try to rest through the worst times.

I also have bright moments! This is when my brain is less cloudy, body has energy, and my spirit is lifted. I also do not know what triggers these episodes, when they will come, or how long they will last. I try to record them and remember to give thanks for them.

When I was on the Marshall Protocol (MP) with a certain antibiotic, I would experience this about once a week and these bright moments would last up to four hours. Yahoo! Since going off the Marshall Protocol, these were the first to go and most of my days were just numb. It has been hard to see those bright moments leave but I doubt I will go back to the MP for all the other reasons I listed last November--and because I am enjoying being back outside.

I am now on an herbal protocol which I will share more about in another post.

But, if you ask how my health is, it is all very relative--and I am not sure what rating to use: the Old Normal or the New Normal? Besides, if you wait a few moments to ask, it may go from "doing okay" to  "really poorly" to " a bright moment."

Something I miss

When you have children in your home and choose to have them around a lot (24/7 for homeschool moms and those with young children), there is always a time to share about Who God is and what He has done. There is constant speaking into their lives and hearing their precious thoughts about God and His Word. There are the times of correction: To hold our children accountable for their actions according to God's standard.

I miss this-- but did not realize how much or why I missed it until I was speaking with a mom in this very situation.

It may be very selfish, but I miss it because it spoke so loudly into my life. When I talked with my children about God; when we memorized scripture together; related a school lesson to one of Jesus' parables; sang a favorite song together; corrected with the authority of God's Word--God spoke to me. These very conversations were transforming me. I needed to hear the truth so much throughout the day, God gave me little ones to speak the Truth to.

With an almost empty house, I can talk aloud but it just is not the same as instructing, correcting, and encouraging someone and discovering that you are in greater need of the instruction, correction and encouragement.

So, a consideration for moms--next time you converse about God and His Truth with your children listen for how God speaking to you.

For the rest of us, how do we get this same sort of constant input? I bet God has some answers.

Transition to a New Job for Trevor

As most of you know we moved to Kentucky because Trevor was offered a job at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Thus, began one of the most intense transitions of our lives.

Almost four years later, God provided another opportunity. This one is less upheaval because we are staying in the same city but there are changes anyway.

Two days into the new position, Trevor texted me that he likes it. Yeah!

Since his position is with the federal government, we have to get used to some different structure--like taking off all those federal holidays :) but less flexibility in the overall schedule. We have friends who have worked years for the government and say it has been a good experience.

Okay, I must admit that I really thought we would be done with transitions after being here for more than 3 years.  But that is my perspective.

I am resting in knowing God brought us to Louisville and continues to have us at this place for His purposes.

Nativity Sets

As a child I delighted in setting out our Christmas Nativity Set. The colors were rich and the characters full of life. I am sure this memory played in developing my limited collection of Nativity Sets. It is a  blessing to set out the handcrafted pieces given to me by friends and the expensive set my husband splurged to purchase one year for me.

Over the years, these characters have been marred by circumstances. A wooden shepherd bears the marks of a dog teething; Mary's hair became tossed about; the baby's bed disappeared; a mouse nibbled at the cloth to get to the rice weighting the animals, a wiseman's raised hand broke off; my standing glass Joseph broke off at the knees.

As I set out these sets this year, initially I was sad about these defects until I contemplated that this probably makes them more "real". The shepherd fought to defend his flock; Mary looks more like the hospital pictures of a new mom, proud and disheveled; the baby found a home in his parent's arms; the animals required stitching; the wiseman's disfigured hand sent him into scholarly work; broken Joseph now kneels before the King of kings.

Funny thing is that when I returned to my parent's home for a rare holiday visit, I helped unpack the Nativity Set looking for the rich, colorful characters I remembered. They were not there! Though I was assured this was the set we have always had what I was looking at was inexpensive, broken, and falling apart. Maybe I viewed them as a child should-- with wonder. But as an adult, maybe I should realize that these marred pieces are probably more realistic than the Hallmark displays--and still view them with wonder.

Off the Marshall Protocol Reflections

The doctor convinced me this protocol was doing too much damage to my body so I have been slowly transitioning off of it. This takes awhile to do and it is not comfortable. Thanksgiving Day will mark the end of all the medicines involved in the protocol and the ones I had to take to get off the protocol. It has been a numbing time physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I am wondering what is round the corner.

3 years ago this illness developed. 2 years ago I started research on this protocol. 18 months later I am leaving the protocol with no clear direction except

GIVE THANKS IN ALL THINGS

So, thank You God for this protocol and the time I was on it. I thank You that You had Your purposes though I had other purposes.  This was an experiment to others but not to You. Thank You, God, for this time of transitioning off the protocol. You had purposes for the nightmares, exhaustion, drain, and numbness. Thanks for knowing what is around the corner. 

 

Viewing God in Trials

So many authors dealing with suffering and difficulties declare that God never seemed nearer and dearer than when a believer goes through trials. I certainly felt guilty whenever I read that because my view has been different. Many times I convinced myself that I must be doing something wrong because that is not my experience--though I would love it to be.

Imagine my comfort and hope when I read these words, penned by a saint:

"Behold, I go forward but He is not there, and backward, but I cannot perceive Him;

When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him;

He turns on the right, I cannot see Him.

But He is unique and who can turn to Him?

And what His soul desires, that He does. For He performs what is appointed for me,

And many such decrees are with Him.

Therefore I would be dismayed at His presence; When I consider, I am terrified of Him.

It is God who has made my heart faint, and the Almighty who has dismayed me, 

but I am not silenced by the darkness, Nor deep gloom which covers me."

Job 23:8-9, 13-17

My soul sang with comfort: Someone wrote what was at the center of my weary heart in words I could not have expressed. In all that the Lord has brought into our lives over the past 3 years, I know that He has deepened my understanding that He is MYSTERIOUS. And if He is not choosing to provide that sense of His nearness and dearness, He has His purposes, and I can rest.

I pray these thoughts will  comfort others who get a different view of God than they expected.

Can I think?

I am contemplating the Little Engine That Could . . . "I think I can . . .I think I can . . .I think I can . . ." but it all seems to fall apart when you struggle to think. Today that struggle comes from my body which is complaining about something but I have no idea what I did or didn't do to it. But like those squeaky wheels, giggly girls, or crying babies, it has most of my attention.

I really do have some blogs I want to write. Now to gather the time coordinated with the energy and mental capacity would put those blogs to paper (or cyberspace).

In the meantime, God is reminding me that I have to depend on HIM to think.

Today God sent some encouraging "angels"

As you know, discouragement with the lack of progress on this medical protocol has been increasing for me. Mostly I am too tired and brain fog engulfs me then the doctor informs me that a change needs to be made. How am supposed to process that?

God saw my need for encouragement and sent three "angels" to minister to me while I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room. This was a husband, wife and their grown daughter who are all following the same protocol and have had to make the adjustments. They introduced themselves (they recognized me from a posting I made on our protocol's website) and then inquired about how I was doing. They were so warm and caring. They shared their stories and how the protocol has benefited them. For the first time in quite awhile, I felt I could stay the course.

I was reminded of God's command to comfort others as how God has comforted us. These "angels" were living this out by sharing their lives and asking about mine. Thanks, Lord, for bringing them my way today.

My Secret Life

In our first year in Louisville, I determined to do as much with my children as possible. This led to three of us (Josiah, Jonathan, and I) signing up for Martial Arts classes. These classes of mixed martial arts served our sons' physical education. They provided me time with the kids and they forced me to use more of my brains as I learned the different forms.

So, here we are, three years later, still taking these classes. Who would have thought that a woman my age is doing this? My objective is still to flee if anyone challenges me on the street but I will use these skills as a back-up if needed. In the meantime, I continue to build my relationship with others and Jonathan and my brain cells through this foggy season of Chronic Fatigue.

Jonathan and I passed our latest rank test earlier this summer. I have included this image in case you need further proof. If you are interested, after this belt comes Green, Brown, and then Black Belt ranks. I guess this isn't a bad secret life just something I choose not to display. Maybe that is a good thing in case someone thinks I am a pushover?

Two Storms while Driving is Two Many Times

A tornado swept through Louisville last June. Trevor and I were caught in its path as we tried to get home. We saw roofs swept off and power line poles snap as if they were dry stems of straw. We scrambled to find a safe place but businesses closed their doors and we waited in a parking lot til the tornado's path change to allow us a safe drive back home.

Today, we left a playground park when we first heard the thunder. Our son, Peter, his wife, Grace and our granddaughters, Anna and Abigail (daughter of Kirsten and Tim) traveled with us looking forward to a hot meal. Within ten minutes, the wind buffeted our van as rain poured down in curtains. The line of cars slowed as visibility reduced and branches and trees littered the street. Discovering a smashed signal light between us and home, we turned down an alternative street. Within moments, visibility reduced to zero and the trees threatened to topple. We cautiously pulled into the zoo parking lot finding a spot away from trees waiting for the storm to pass. Thanking our Lord for His protection we comforted our grandkids and prayed for protection on Jonathan who was at home. When we waddled home, everything was fine at our house but the electrical lines took the brunt of the storm so we" pioneered" through dinner, baths, and bed preparations with waning daylight and candles.

One time in each storm, I called 911 to alert the emergency responders of downed power lines. These are haunting calls to make. We are so grateful for the emergency personnel's selfless work but I do not care to call them one more time.

Being in a vehicle during each of these storms have exposed my vulnerability, helplessness, and complete dependence on God's mercy.

MP: Hard Time

Through God's grace, I went off the antibiotics in preparation for what was going to be a long emotional day. God sustained me with strength and a positive attitude. Thanks to all those who prayed. However, since we were traveling, I realized I had also been indulging in coffee and thought this might be affecting my body. After reviewing the information on the Martial Protocol site I understood better how coffee may be masking my symptoms and actually interfering with my immune system. So, I stayed off the antibiotics and decided to see how it would go if I went off the coffee as well.


The last two weeks have been the worst I remember for a long time. I am struggling to get up in the morning. I feel weak and often feel like I am going to pass out. Bright lights are a problem with increasing frequency. I am moving through molasses mentally and physically. I was already wondering if  I needed to quit but I did not know what I would quit.

Last night was the worst. Terrible nightmares plagued my sleep, first when I cried out and then to the point where I did not want to sleep anymore but I forced myself to sleep some more. The nightmare crept back into my sleep and troubled my mind through the day. Going back to sleep was an act of faith--much like getting back on a horse that bucked me off (which I really have done).

Now the challenge is not to make a decision while I feel like this. I must pursue the present path in faith for now.It is a time of transition and I pray for a transformation.

Tis the Season for School Planning

Recently I spoke briefly to some homeschool moms who are feeling the pressure of their summer break ending but not feeling prepared for the start of schooldays. I certainly understand their plight. Normally, by March, I have a good idea of what we are doing for the next school year and start searching for materials. But, like many others, this past year has not been normal.

Most of us require some quiet hours to coincide with brain cell energy to adequately plan for school. This is an elusive collision of events for homeschool moms—whether that is because of an overloaded schedule or quiversful or chronic illness or any combination of the above.

We tentatively assign a random date to resume school with the hopes that a “deadline” will prompt a quicker aligning of the random lesson plan atoms. Of course, the deadline seems to slide as we face reality or unexpected guests.

Maybe one of these methods will help:

Find time alone: Exchange with another mom to watch children; Enlist your husband; Find a grandmother whose grandkids live far away.

Get out of the house: There are too many distractions and too many things that are easier than planning school! I think you need at least two hours once you reach your off-site destination because your brain cells need time to focus.

Start a list: Someplace prominent place start to write down your ideas as you walk along the way. If possible take a few moments and make a book marker of these ideas and place in your favorite novel or the Bible.

Pray: Off your prominent list or the bookmark, pray about these decisions. When I do this steadfastly (and I am NOT always steadfast) God directs my thoughts, corrects my direction, crosses items off my list, shows me a resource I already have and boosts my confidence.

Start the year with a few items: Accepting that I will start only a few subjects the first two weeks allows us all to adjust to the school year and gives me more time to plan for the reminder. Ah, realism sets in better with this approach because it keeps my eyes from being bigger than hours in our day.  If we honestly look at most “traditional” schools this adjustment period happens because kids need to learn the new rules, set up their desks, and find the bathroom. We also need the adjustment time because of a new baby, adding another student, and remodeling the kitchen.

Select a special project for the first two to three weeks: Scrapbook summer events, read those books you  thought you would read on vacation, evaluate what was lost over the summer, make a resource book for facts you want to remember,  use educational games for review or incorporate field trips you might consider disruptive to your regular schedule. This can also give you time to polish up preparation for other studies.

This past summer has been very intense for our family. Besides major family events I have been sick and the completion of last year took longer than I expected. I am very behind on preparation for next year. I am glad that I spoke with these other moms because it is a gentle nudge I need to tackle this task—with joy, of course.

Refreshment from Believers

My dear friends and sisters-in Christ located in Santa Clarita, California--You have refreshed me. We laughed, shared, challenged and loved each other. What a blessing. We sang, worshiped, discussed our Lord's character. We ate food and then feasted on His Word. Oh, how I wish I had more time; I could have spent visited longer and with more people-- but I will be content and grateful that God has blessed me with you.

To Pastor Steve--Your commitment to teaching God's Word and applying it to our walk and hearts poured refreshing water upon our souls. Our weariness was lifted by the Truth in song and teaching.

I do not know when God will bring me back to Santa Clarita in person but I rejoice that we will be reunited in heaven and just imagine the refreshing conversations that await us there!

Stand firm, my siblings in Christ, under the generous waterfall of God's grace and mercy.

Rejoicing as God deals with what handicaps me

This quote quickened my heart. Praying and confessing so I can have this attitude.

"If God had told me some time ago that he was about to make as happy as I could be in this world, and then had told me that he should begin by crippling me in arm or limb, and removing me from all my usual sources of enjoyment, I should have thought it a very strange mode of accomplishing his purpose. And yet, how is his wisdom manifest even in this! For if you should see a man shut up in a closed room, idolizing a set of lamps and rejoicing in their light, and you wished to make him truly happy, you would begin by blowing out all his lamps; and then throw open the shutters to let in the light of heaven." ---Samuel Rutherford quoted in 90 Days of God's Goodness by Randy Alcorn

God Allows Me to Fast Again

Never thought I would miss fasting so much. Fasting was a regular spiritual discipline in my life for most of my adult life.  Fasting is not easy but it kept my eyes on God and I have seen God use it to help direct my thoughts and life. 

After almost three years of being chronically ill, God nudged me to bring this discipline back into my life. I was fearful because the last thing I wanted to do was feel worse but I knew that I needed to follow His direction. Though there were so many things stacking up for concerted prayer that I needed to set aside a day each week, I told myself I would start with one day and see how it went before committing myself to a routine.

Praise Him that the day went great.

So a need led to a transition back into a pattern. Thanks be to the Lord who has granted the return of this discipline when it was so needed.