Understanding Chronic Illness

The Lord, in His wisdom, brought a chronic illness into my life. In October 2008, I went from an energetic, healthy person, to someone often in pain, experiencing shortness of breath, fatigue, difficulty standing, unsure of what my health would be on any given day, and way too many doctor appointments and examinations. First off, I would like to say to all of my friends and acquaintances with a chronic illness, that I did not understand. I did not understand the battle you dealt with each moment not to be self-centered. I did not understand the brain fog that causes reading and retaining a major issue. I did not understand the weariness of the illness makes prayer and Bible reading a necessary lifeline but one that so easily slips from the fingers. I did not understand, especially when you seemed so healthy by appearances, the weight of one more request placed upon you. I would try to be sympathetic but I did not understand. I thank you for living before me the gracious life of depending on God and being transformed into His image. Your example encourages me to stay the course. One of the difficulties of my chronic illness is the lack of a definitive diagnosis. We can slap a label on it but test results are inconclusive and rarely help. This is something I need to rest in God's wisdom over my own. It is not an easy task especially in relating your difficulties to others. How do we really explain? With heart disease, cancer, and E. Coli infections we grasp the gravity of the situation and can identity at least a bit better than the multitude of chronic illnesses with their varying symptoms. Without listing my hundred symptoms, is there a way for you to understand why I cannot do what you ask (even though it seems a little thing)? We may appear healthy on the outside and yet the illness ravages our bodies and minds. Do not be fooled. This is true for all of us and to a more deadly degree: We look healthy on the outside but we are ravaged by sin within and there is only One Who can save us. It is a bit of a tightrope act, I am discovering, because though I need understanding about my illness, I do not want to be DEFINED BY MY ILLNESS. I long to converse about other things and especially how God may be most magnified by my and your present circumstances. I find myself less willing to discuss trivial topics. It is not worth the effort. But, I will also say that chronic illness heightens one's sensitivity to the irritants of life. They are more irritating! And they expose my sin even more. So, God has widened my understanding of chronic illness--the slow pressure that can change the surface of a rock. When my brain is not foggy, I consider those who have walked this path before me and I am encouraged by their pursuit of godliness. I am challenged to see people differently than I had before. My sin, especially selfishness, is more evident. The urgency of the gospel is increasing in my heart. The necessity of a strong, caring, and gentle church body is a must for the chronically ill person--friends and family who go beyond the "How are you?" and serve without being asked (because sometimes we do not know what to ask for) and who direct our conversation towards God and His faithfulness in transforming the rocks into His image.